He commented about my food

[Zig27]

There is a guy who I was interested in romantically but I wised up to his games of emotional unavailability and control. I am keeping my distance from him but he keeps going to the walking group we are both part of.

On Friday we stopped at a pub during the walk and I bought some crisps as I had not had chance for dinner beforehand. He said I should not be eating crisps and that it’s a waste of calories walking and I should have his apple instead. I was taken aback by this comment. It’s as though he thinks I’m going to put weight on. The funny thing is this guy drinks a bottle of wine a night. Even on this walk he broke the drink drive limit and had 2 pints and drove home.

What should I say in future if he ever comments on my dietary habits again? I’m really getting annoyed now as I have been going for many years to this group and don’t see why I should leave. I am keeping my distance but he always tries to speak to me at the pub as I stay away from him on the walks.

Just ignore. Or if you feel you have to interact just smile vaguely and move on.

1. Tell him to fuck off.

1. Phone the police on him for drink driving, he could kill someone!

I wouldn't call this control as he's not in any position of power over you. It's an unsolicited opinion, which can be irritating, but that's all.

Did he know you were interested in him at one time? Did anything happen between you?

Same tactics as before - grey rock him. If he makes any unwanted comments, a cheerful 'okay then!' and move onto talk to someone else.

He is trying to get a reaction from you (he might expect you to be angry or to try to ignore him or to look worried about the calories)

Instead, be boring:
-nod and smile and move away as if from any unimportant stranger
-Pretend not to hear properly- answer as if it was a polite comment about the walk or the weather... then move away in a calm natural way
-refuse to spot that he is being personal and agree that crisps are full of useful calories but apples are not... before moving on to someone interesting.

Reporting him to the police for drink driving would have sent a clear message for him to fuck off.

Blank him. Don't respond at all. If that's uncomfortable because people around you nudge you to answer (people sometimes don't realise the dynamics), just give a short, acknowledging answer-
'Oh, right'.
'Oh, ok'.

Don't waste time or energy on thinking about it, just let him slide beneath your notice.

Are you sure he was over the limit for drink driving? To me the limit (in England) seems surprisingly generous. I know it isn't the same in Scotland.

If he was walking between pubs and time was passing, some of the alcohol in his two pints will have 'worn off'.

Sounds like an excellent reason to avoid taking a lift from him though.

God he sounds unbearable. I would personally just completely blank him, but if you prefer to say anything, I loved this suggestion-

'Did you know drink driving kills more people than crisps?'

Thank you for your concern.
Orders second bag of crisps.

I have no idea of back story but men policing women is pretty standard, previous dating history or not.

A man once suggested I shouldn't be drinking a coke as I was pregnant because, "it has caffeine in it you know". To which I sweetly replied, "Yup, that's why I ordered it". I'd be similar with the crisps, "Yup, I want the calories"

I'm not sure trying to engage on the content of his bullshit it the way to go. It's his entitlement which is galling! Do if you reply to him regarding calories etc he's getting validation that he should comment.

He's been rude. So you're entitled to be direct. Just say it's rude to comment on what people are eating and ask him not to do it. Hopefully this level of directness with him might give him the message you think he's a twat.

Does it really matter? Some bloke you don't like, who drink drives and sounds like a twat, made a comment about what you were eating. Raise an eyebrow and ignore him. Of course you don't need to leave your group!

Why didn't you just say, "What's it got to do with you?"

@HollowTalk

Why didn't you just say, "What's it got to do with you?"

I think I was shocked to be honest. I’m annoyed with myself now and wish I had done.

@Scarby9

I liked Victoria Coren Mitchell's response to the (male) host of HIGNFY (can't remember who it was) who had offered unwanted an comment or advice; 'Thank you - I already have a mother'.

This made me laugh! I don’t know why some men think it’s ok to try and mother or control grown women.

If i had a better poker face I'd blank him. But i don't so I would smirk, and say 'how bizarre!' to myself, looking the other way.

I wouldn't swear at him or engage him however tempting.

Join another group and move on with your life.

It sounds all a bit pathetic, to be truthful. Why are you even reacting to it?

I'm very anti drink driving but I doubt he'd be over the limit if you're in England. Doesn't make it right though. As for the crisps comment, ignore. Stop caring what he says.

Dear Lord, Zig. Please stop this. If he comments on your crisps in future, you walk away, put it from your mind and do your very best not to make yet another MN post about him. This is getting silly.

These are not forced interactions. You are fully capable of not engaging with this person (or any of the multiple other unpleasant people who appear to populate your life and thoughts). You need to move on.

Just tell him you really don't care what he thinks and someone who drinks a bottle of wine a night has no business giving their unwanted health advice.
Then I'd go buy three more packets of crisps and a twix.

Next time just stare at him as if you didn't hear him properly. Then ask him to repeat it.
Then say 'yes I thought that's what you said...but then I thought to myself what on earth is this chap doing telling me what I can and can't do'.

I dream of having problems like this.

What should I say in future if he ever comments on my dietary habits again? I’m really getting annoyed now as I have been going for many years to this group and don’t see why I should leave. I am keeping my distance but he always tries to speak to me at the pub as I stay away from him on the walks.

So are you saying you're unable to keep him at arms length. If he won't take no for an answer, then report him as a pest and get the organisers involved. He sounds like a creep.

Tell him to stick his apple up his arse