Cheating

[Pizzalover77]

I'm sorry for the misleading title, my husband found my last thread.

I want to leave, he won't accept it. We have two children together and I have one from a previous relationship. We had a massive argument in front of the children over a month ago, I said I want to end it then, I'll admit i've gone back and forth even spent two weeks away to think things through. I've come to the realisation that I just can't do this anymore, I'm so much happier away from. I need to move out, we live in his uncles house. I can't afford to private rent but my mum has offered to put us up but she lives an hour away and the two elder kids have school. Can I move them schools in a different area? He keeps saying he won't allow it! I can't stress enough how badly staying here is affecting my mental health. We have a young baby and he keeps saying I'm depressed, I've told him countless times I don't want to be with him and I get told that he can't accept it and that I've got an illness. He said I'm not in the right frame of mind and that I'm suffering from depression. I'm absolutely fine and so much happier away from him. I genuinely feel like I'm going mad.

You are not going mad. I'm sure other posters will be along soon with good advice about ducks and whatnot but I didn't want you to feel like nobody has responded.

You know your own mind and he has no right to say that he knows better than you.

You have clearly thought this through and know that you would be happier if you split. He might not like that, but you don't need his permission.

It's good that you're talking to your Mum. Seek out any support you can in real life, and keep talking here.

You feel like you're going made because you are with someone who keeps telling you that. He's messing with your head to keep you in your place.

Seek that support, get some legal advice asap, and start making a plan. It can seem over-whelming, but if you set out a plan, then each small step is progress, and you start to feel stronger with every bit of progress.

You can do this.

He is already setting your 'mental health illness' up as a narrative for a custody battle.

Make the move to your mums and take the kids. Many many women do this on a daily basis. You're not the first and you won't be the last.

Pack up next time he is out and go.
Speak to the schools near you mums to see how transfers work. Or you could even just have them on weekends and they could stay with dad for school during the week. Maybe speak to them in private about what they would prefer.

The time is now though op.

@Evesgarden could be right. My exh did this. It might be worth making an appointment with your GP to talk about what's going on and get it on record that you're not "mentally ill" but subject to stress and anxiety because of the situation.

And now hes an expert in diagnosing mental health issues. OP you know your own mind do not let him sway you. Tell him if he trys to stop you leaving your calling thr police.

I found a house. Exh didn't believe I would go.
I bloody well did.
Have 999 ready to dial op.. Pack your stuff. Ring the police if he tries to stop you.

Op sounds shit. I had this 2 years ago. I left for 12 months, with a solicitors agreement. Stepped out that door never went back. Massive relief. Getting divorced now. Just plan your escape. You'll never be happy. ...
Felt I was going mad too. Was eating and binging, so self destructive.
Now life changed. By myself with kids. He can't touch us.
I'm 50 it took me 4 years to escape. He descended into alcoholism I wasn't going with him

I really appreciate the advice. So he can't stop me taking them out of school/changing schools? I was going to ring the health vistor in the morning for advice, women's aid said they are really helpful in these situations, plus ring schools to check availability

Ring everyone. He may well go for "full custody" which isn't even a thing. But if you're doing all the work with the children and schooling then they will take that into account.

He hasn't got any parental rights over my eldest daughter, who he's brought up with me since she was 18 months old, so I really hope he won't try to split the children up

Beware no PR won't necessarily mean a court won't give him access....

He could get a prohibitive steps order to prevent you removing his child from their current school.

It would be better if you could get a rental so you don't need to move them. Speak to your local council and women's aid about getting support to get assistance renting.

How old are the children, is the dad a major part of their lives?.

I’m sure you have thought about your emotions but speaking from someone who has been down a similar path it’s always worth trying to make things work, be as amicable as possible.

For me separation was the last resort and we got help and it ended up working and still together to this day.

Also how are the children doing in their school, do you have close family around you that help. I’m just trying to offer balance as a lot of people here are very quick to say “leave him” “call the police”. I’m sure you were happily together at some point, you did comment how you have gone back and forth with how you feel?. Sounds that you may be feeling unsure what to really do and that’s totally understandable as you have 3 children with him

Moving the children's school in what to them would be a sudden and unexpected turn of events would no
t be welcome to them and could be used against you by your DH in future. Whatever you do you should try to avoid this.

The only support I've got round here is his family and the all think I'm depressed. He is the golden boy who can do no wrong and always gets his way. My mum is my only support and I'd have to move in with her. It's so horrible being told constantly that there is something wrong with me, I'm starting to believe it

Can’t you agree to live together until you sort yourself out? This would give the children stability and wouldn’t impact their own mental health now or in the future.
What’s he like as a dad? if so the children would be badly impacted if they have sudden change