Being in a relationship that isn’t necessarily bad but is also unfulfilling is a weird place to be.
We have been together for over 20 years, through thick and thin, but we’ve never really grown as a couple. We both come from fucked up backgrounds which accounts for much of our behaviour.
It struck me today as DH has been (overnight) at a sporting event that he has worked hard to complete and was a big deal for him, but our interaction about it was so tepid. He had to leave early and I got up to see him off and I said: ‘good luck’ and we fist bumped - ffs – the idea of a kiss or a hug seems ridiculous. He didn’t tell me when he finished and I didn’t contact him either. He facetimed to say g’night to the children but we didn’t talk as a couple.
I feel like we’re business partners – do you know what I mean? Our children are the capital and we’re both committed to making sure they are ok and it grows. That’s fine and I understand that this is it – we don’t have enough of a reason to break up and devastate the kids. It’s just so perfunctory.
Sorry, no real reason for this thread – I’m not even particularly unhappy – maybe bemused that this is where I have ended up. We aren’t unkind to each other (for the most part), but I do feel like it’s a slow leak of happiness and purpose in my life, but that feels both selfish and unrealistic.