Controlling DP

[CherryCupcake]

I'm reposting this as I forgot to put a title in the last one. Thanks to those who replied on the last one.

We have an issue with the post around here. Basically a little kid that lives down the street insists on stealing people's mail if it hasn't been pushed through the letter box properly. No point in going around to his mother as she is a drunk and a drug addict...it's probably her telling him to do it.

So DP told me to tell the postman to make sure all mail is pushed right through the letterbox. I'm quite a shy person and asked him to do it on friday, he said I had to do it so I asked the postman on the friday morning and he just sort of grunted at me. I told DH who hit the roof and swore that if the post wasn't pushed through the letter box properly he would punch the postman.

On the saturday, DH waited at the window for the post and needless to say he put it through the letter box but left it hanging so it wasn't pushed all the way through. It was an xbox game we had ordered for DS so would definately had been stolen had we not been waiting for it.

I said I would make a complaint but DH went nuts, went charging outside (smashing the door window because of how hard he opened the door) and went after the postie before holding him against the wall by his neck and threatning to "Kick him in" if we had anymore post stolen.

I'm so embarrassed and am sure he will report us. DH says I'm as much to blame and would do well to "shut my gob" about it. I feel like I'm living on eggshells with him constantly and sometimes I think he's getting worse.

Bloody hell your bloke has anger problems. Book him some anger managements sessions for Christmas.

Sorry, but your dh sounds like a complete tosser. I think you should probably ask yourself if you really want to be married to a violent and aggressive man who puts you down like that.

(I've copied this from the other thread in case you don't see it)

So DP told me

he said I had to do it

DH went nuts

DH says I'm as much to blame and would do well to "shut my gob" about it

D(are you sure about that?)H sounds like he's a complete bully. If he wants something doing he asks you to do it, not tells you you have to do it, and then has a completely over the top, violent and frightening reaction to someone doing their job.

I hope the postman does complain. It's not his fault there's some little yobbo stealing the post and with 100s of houses to deliver to within a set time he can't be blamed for fogetting who'd asked him to push the post through all the way or not.

Of more concern is his attitude to you. What does he mean when he says you'd do as well to shut your gob (charming) about it ? Is that a threat ? Does that mean that if you don't back him up (i.e. lie) about he treated the postman there'll be repercussions ?

You haven't been explicit but does he often threaten you, and/or are you living in fear of him ?

We all agree - his behaviour is well beyond what's safe or normal or acceptable. You have the right to live safely and free of fear. Start making an exit plan.

He has threatened me before but has never hit me.