Partner’s best friend hates me but should I be worried?

[passmeenah]

So I know this situation is going to cause alarm bells for many. But hear me out.

My partner’s best friend is a woman, a few years older than him. They met through work and dated for 2-3 months before calling it off. Then they became good friends and she calls him every few days and maybe they see each other every 2 weeks or so. They go on trips to other cities together with a mixed group of friends.

The best-friend absolutely loathes me. She refuses to acknowledge my existence and has said she will slap me if she ever meets me again.

This is because we used to know one another. She confided in me one day that she had feelings for him and was going to make a move. She knew that my partner and I were seeing each other casually but she didn’t know it was getting serious. When my partner rejected her advances she messaged me a hate filled rant about how I betrayed her and then she cut all contact with me.

No great loss as I never liked her but was always polite and friendly.

I genuinely do believe that they are not doing stuff behind my back. But I just can’t get my head around that my partner defends her. He gaslights me by saying it’s funny how much I hate her.

He defends her and says she has mental health issues and he feels sorry for her. But he must enjoy her company to keep doing things with her.

Ugh god he must be walking around like mr billy big bollocks. Yuck.

She refuses to acknowledge my existence and has said she will slap me if she ever meets me again.

If someone spoke about me that way my boyfriend wouldn't speak to them again, let alone be mates with them.

And that's not me giving him massive credit for that - it should be a basic expectation of a partner!

You need to raise the bar and move on from him. He sounds like an immature little prick.

This relationship will not go anywhere successfully.

Oh FGS is he Christian Grey?

Dump the shit stirring cunt.

The best-friend absolutely loathes me. She refuses to acknowledge my existence and has said she will slap me if she ever meets me again.

And your b/f decided that's all dandy, & has kept up with the cosy chats & trips with his friend?
Then he is endorsing her threats of violence, & you need to leave him.

But I just can’t get my head around that my partner defends her. He gaslights me by saying it’s funny how much I hate her.

He is manipulating you into playing "the pick-me dance", & you need to leave him.

Where is your self-esteem, OP?
If any man friend of mine (romantic or not) heard that a third party was offering violence to me, they'd either tackle it head on, or remove themselves from that third party's orbit.

You b/y hasn't just failed to do that - he's openly relishing the situation. He is laughing in your face & taking you for a right mug - how can you not see this, & ditch him?

So what say you op?
You've read the replies. Do you see now you are with a man who is manipulating you? Or at best, not a prize worth winning?

Good human beings dont treat their girlfriends like this. They don't play women off against one another and sneer at their discomfort. They dont gaslight. They dont display glee at the insecurity of others.

He has been measured and found wanting.
Wouldnt you agree?
What are you going to do about it?
Because he is far, far beneath you. And you cannot pull his kind up. They can only pull you down. Down and asunder.

Wow..

what a Tosser this guy is 🤣

For goodness sake have a search for your self respect & when you have found it dump your pathetic partner.

You know this won't work, you know they are either together or will get together behind your back.
Pick up your self respect and leave him

That's not a few alarm bells. That's and entire carillon.

Run awaaaaaaaaaay!

Absolutely leave him. If my partner had a friend that would 'slap me if they saw me again' there is no way I would stay. He doesn't respect you or value you enough.

Your ‘Partner’ has set up this triangle and is lapping up the ego-strokes that you 2 adoring women are providing.

His pursuit of their friendship after her contemptuous/threatening behavior toward you is appalling. He enjoys stirring you up by dismissing your discomfort and minimizing her atrocious behavior. He seems confident that you are going nowhere.

Please dump him pronto and examine why you’ve been settling for such a manipulative, disloyal loser.

If he wanted to get more serious with you then he wouldn't still be 'friends' with her especially as she wants to be more.
I think he enjoys the ego boost.
Bin him, the right man won't allow other interested women around him and you should have higher standards.

Any man who relishes his GF being verbally abused and potentially assaulted by a female friend he spends time with socialises with.. private calls with.. Is not in love with you... he neither respects nor values you.. he uses you for sex until someone better comes along ...

They likely rip you apart when they are together... laughing at you and enjoying the fact he is using you... She certainly will be...

This is not the man for you... Find your self respect and end this...