Friend with No Benefits. Update.

CluelessAt50 · 2021-09-05T09:24:49+00:00

Well hello again. I posted a few weeks ago because I was having trouble finding a friend with benefits (lots of dates but no benefits). Quick update: I lowered my 'desired age' from 45+ to 30+ & wish I'd done it sooner. When did men in their 30s get so hot?? And when did they start chasing older women so relentlessly? I've been like a kid in a sweet shop. After some really good meets, laughs & test rides I've now found 'Mr Exclusive with no strings' & I'm most certainly not sexuality frustrated anymore. I'm getting every single 'cougar' meme in existence sent to me by my darling besties but IDGAF, having the time of my life! 30-something men & 50-something women are extremely compatible. So, middle ages ladies looking for fun, get that age range lowered. You won't regret it!

Youknownothingsnow · 05/09/2021 10:28

Great to read this! So pleased for you. Live your best life!

BeachDrifting · 05/09/2021 10:35

Oh wow. Love this! Go get your fun. Awesome.

RantyAunty · 05/09/2021 10:46

What a great update!
You're inspiring me to dust off my dancing shoes.

Original poster

CluelessAt50 · 05/09/2021 10:52

Get them dusted off Ranty! I almost gave in but I'm glad I didn't. He's doing wonders for me, I'm toning up again in places I didn't even know existed thanks to all of the exercise 😂

OP posts:

CrapAtThis · 05/09/2021 10:57

This sounds great! I had a kind of offer of this sort of thing but turned it down as I thought I’d not cope well emotionally with it. How do you square that in your mind, the ‘he wants to have sex with me but he doesn’t want a relationship with me’ bit? Is he (or you) still looking for a relationship?

Wizzbangfizz · 05/09/2021 11:42

Good for you!

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 05/09/2021 11:45

I think men in their 30s who don't want to settle down yet find it hard to casually date women their own age, because many of the women are aware of their biological clock ticking and are looking for something serious. So older women are better suited to them. It doesn't matter that there's a big age difference because it's not a long term relationship.

My DB, who is late 40s and never wanted to marry or have DC, said he felt like a gazelle being stalked by lions in his 30s. I guess he appeared to be ideal husband and father material, good job, nice house, amiable personality, no vices or addictions.

BronzeBalonze · 05/09/2021 12:06

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar

I think men in their 30s who don't want to settle down yet find it hard to casually date women their own age, because many of the women are aware of their biological clock ticking and are looking for something serious. So older women are better suited to them. It doesn't matter that there's a big age difference because it's not a long term relationship.

My DB, who is late 40s and never wanted to marry or have DC, said he felt like a gazelle being stalked by lions in his 30s. I guess he appeared to be ideal husband and father material, good job, nice house, amiable personality, no vices or addictions.

That's a very interesting observation!

BronzeBalonze · 05/09/2021 12:07

Congratulations @CluelessAt50 I'm pleased you're having fun!

Opentooffers · 05/09/2021 12:59

I would wonder if a man who is happy with no strings sex, is actually really being exclusive or just saying that so they can miss out condom use. Beware of the risks of that, as no strings kinda means you don't owe the other anything particularly, so a white lie can come easier to them, just to get what they want. Apart from that, all sounds ideal

Original poster

CluelessAt50 · 05/09/2021 13:38

@CrapAtThis

This sounds great! I had a kind of offer of this sort of thing but turned it down as I thought I’d not cope well emotionally with it. How do you square that in your mind, the ‘he wants to have sex with me but he doesn’t want a relationship with me’ bit? Is he (or you) still looking for a relationship?

No, neither of us are looking for a serious relationship. We're in touch a lot, we don't just have sex then no contact. We go out too & he's more affectionate & attentive than most men I've been in conventional relationships with. There's just no pressure or long term planning.

OP posts:

Lostoldusername · 05/09/2021 14:08

If you are in touch a lot, go out, are affectionate with each other, then I wouldn't see that as just friends with benefits.....
Maybe I have misinterpreted it, but for me a FWB is someone who you just have secrets with and then crack on with your life until next time?

PinkFizz1 · 05/09/2021 14:11

Good for you OP! Enjoy!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 05/09/2021 14:12

@Opentooffers

I would wonder if a man who is happy with no strings sex, is actually really being exclusive or just saying that so they can miss out condom use. Beware of the risks of that, as no strings kinda means you don't owe the other anything particularly, so a white lie can come easier to them, just to get what they want. Apart from that, all sounds ideal

Why would you be exclusive or condom free with a FWB?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 05/09/2021 14:13

@Lostoldusername

If you are in touch a lot, go out, are affectionate with each other, then I wouldn't see that as just friends with benefits..... Maybe I have misinterpreted it, but for me a FWB is someone who you just have secrets with and then crack on with your life until next time?

No, that's a fuck buddy FWB is Friends. You may hang out and enjoy each other's company but you are not dating.

HollowTalk · 05/09/2021 14:17

But... if you're in your 50s and going out with men in their 30s, don't you feel as though you could be their mum?

Original poster

CluelessAt50 · 05/09/2021 14:25

@HollowTalk

But... if you're in your 50s and going out with men in their 30s, don't you feel as though you could be their mum?

No, not in the slightest. I didn't have my first child until I was 33 so the idea that I could be a 36 year old's mum is completely alien & out of the question for me. My eldest is only 18. Perfectly feasible that women who had children younger have a different perspective though.

OP posts:

SleepingBunnies21 · 05/09/2021 15:36

I doubt he's really exclusive, guys tend to use sites to meet more than one "cougar/milf" .... you'd be best using condoms (being aware they don't protect against all stds) if you're not already using them.

JustAnother0ldMan · 05/09/2021 15:38

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar

I think men in their 30s who don't want to settle down yet find it hard to casually date women their own age, because many of the women are aware of their biological clock ticking and are looking for something serious. So older women are better suited to them. It doesn't matter that there's a big age difference because it's not a long term relationship.

My DB, who is late 40s and never wanted to marry or have DC, said he felt like a gazelle being stalked by lions in his 30s. I guess he appeared to be ideal husband and father material, good job, nice house, amiable personality, no vices or addictions.

Yep, absolutely true, my marriage broke down in my mid 30’s, and the women I met at that time all wanted serious relationships and future plans.. but some older women had been through all that and we’re not looking long term 😀

JustGiveMeGin · 05/09/2021 15:40

Sounds bloody fantastic to me! Long may it continue for you
Maybe now is a good time to take up yoga.....just to keep you limber and avoid any pulled muscles

mumsie8 · 05/09/2021 15:41

And tbh what about all those 40, 50, 60, 70 year old men going out with women in their 20's, 30's and 40's. No one seems overly concerned about them feeling like they could be dating, shagging, marrying someone old enough to be their dad.

BrendaBubbles · 05/09/2021 15:45

But... if you're in your 50s and going out with men in their 30s, don't you feel as though you could be their mum?

This is such a nonsense argument. If you have sex with a man the same age as you, you don’t feel like he’s your brother, do you? Having never slept with my family I don’t confuse people I do with family members..

Journeyofthedragons · 05/09/2021 15:45

@SleepingBunnies21

I doubt he's really exclusive, guys tend to use sites to meet more than one "cougar/milf" .... you'd be best using condoms (being aware they don't protect against all stds) if you're not already using them.

Almost definitely, remember to practice safe sex everyone.

Good for you OP.

HappenstanceMarmite · 05/09/2021 15:46

Could somebody please link to the original thread? ☺️

PandemicAtTheDisco · 05/09/2021 17:38

Just don't get pregnant!

(speaking from experience......)