Extrovert dating introvert

[twinsohgod]

I'm interested in peoples' experience of this. I'm an introvert, been with extremely extrovert DP for 2 years. We're talking about moving in together in the future, but I'm worried our differences will be too big.

He loves having people round. Spontaneous, large 'let's all go back to mine' type days/evenings. I find this stressful and hard. It's not a problem at the moment but I'm not sure what it will be like if we share a house. Anyone have any experience of this (positive ideally!)?

In my last relationship I was the extrovert, while he was the introvert - like you, he found me wanting to socialize so often quite stressful.
My advice would be that it can definitely work, but you have to be willing to reach a compromise if you want it to. If he’s anything like me, his need to be around people is as important for maintaining his mental health as peace is for you.

My ex DP ignored my needs as it was easier for him & I ultimately ended the relationship as it felt like he was preventing me from living my life. Having to do basically everything on my own (family things, parties, the like) wasn’t cutting it for me.

Having said the above, I have friends that are very opposite & have managed to make it work because they reach compromises that mean the introvert partner isn’t constantly overwhelmed, but the extrovert doesn’t feel as though they’re missing out. I think you should discuss it with him & try to reach an understanding - perhaps if my ex had been willing to do this we may still be together!

Guess it depends if you can find a balance whereby sometimes people come back to yours and sometimes no one does.

Personally I couldn't cope with that. I'm an introvert married to another introvert and it suits us both perfectly. Slightly different, but our eldest adult DS is a very sociable extrovert and, love him though we do, it was a bit of a relief when he moved out and we were no longer regularly hosting his many, really lovely, friends.

I’m an extrovert and at times my introvert boyfriend made me feel frustrated. But we got married and I couldn’t be happier. We’ve tempered each other and it’s perfect.

Opposites attract, but the truth is they very often can't go the distance. Unless both of you are equally willing to compromise, it just won't work.

He loves having people round. Spontaneous, large 'let's all go back to mine' type days/evenings. I find this stressful and hard. It's not a problem at the moment but I'm not sure what it will be like if we share a house.

I'm like you, op, and I could never live like this. It's easy to manage now because you don't live together, but once you do, this has disaster written all over it. It wouldn't be fair to you, and it wouldn't be fair to him. You have a lot of thinking to do.

I agree that it totally depends on the situation and particular people involved. I consider myself introverted (but towards the extroverted end of the spectrum) and my previous boyfriend was very extroverted. It worked ok until lockdown when he ended up temporarily staying here. While I enjoyed lockdown he absolutely hated it and became very frustrated not seeing anyone and having to stay home. The relationship lasted about 3 days into lockdown!
Current partner is very introverted so I am the extrovert in our relationship and it works so much better.
You are probably not going to know until you try.

Thank you for your responses. There isn't anything there that is a great surprise. We are both fairly extreme on our spectrums, I think 'opposites attract' has been the case but I agree - we probably won't last long term as a result of our opposites! I think living together won't work anyway!

Living Apart Together is becoming more common, find their Facebook page which is full of people doing exactly this.

There is no reason to live together if you don't want to or its not suitable to your situations/personalities.

I am an extrovert with introvet DH for 22 years this is a good book.

@traumatisednoodle

I am an extrovert with introvet DH for 22 years this is a good book.

traumatisednoodle would both partners be advised to read this book in this situation?

I am an introvert and know that I would not be able to live with an extrovert - the spontaneous gatherings in the house would send me over the edge very quickly

I think it can work if the extrovert does their socialising out of the house and both people are happy with that - it gives both people what they need doesn't it? But as (IME) an introvert's house is their sanctuary/recharging place, anything which intrudes on that is a recipe for disaster.

However, appreciate that an introvert's needs don't trump an extroverts so it would be really hard to balance.

Sorry just been out for a run. Yes DH actually bought it first. It has been invaluable especially as
a) We have 1 DC of each type and they (both) are more pronouced than us.
and
b) His entire family are "innies" mine are all "outies" so helps with wider family dynamics too.

An example at our wedding mine were lining up to make often ill-thought out spontaneous speeches. His were offered the opportunity and declined. Getting someone on his side to do a eulogy for his Dad's funeral was like pulling teeth.

Yes but spontaneous is relative, so I might say, " is it ok if X and Y come back on tuesday?" but not actually invite X and Y till the day itself. You have got to be carefull with the only socialising out of the house or you end up barely seeing each other.

What does help is my job is people facing and his is much more solitary. Maternity leave (when he was in a busy office and I was home with a baby) was very difficult. He hated it if my mum friends were still round when he got home.