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Original poster

Long distance thing…urrgghhh

30 replies

Rockchk31 · 04/09/2021 17:52

So this is a weird one but bear with me….I have been separated for about 16 months and a few weeks ago decided to try the strange world of online dating…..met an amazing gorgeous guy who instantly clicked with, the only issue is he lives 500 miles away 🤣 things got very intense very quickly and it stirred up feelings I hadn’t had for many years…then bang his messages became less frequent but still messaged everyday. I asked him a couple of times if he still wants be be in a LDR and always said yes….the last few days he got quieter and a quieter until I couldn’t take the hot and cold anymore and told him to take care and hope he finds what makes him happy…. 3 days later I’m sat here missing him like mad and want to text to ask if we can talk….I don’t know what to do 🤔

OP posts:
RantyAunty · 04/09/2021 18:09

Have you ever met him?

Ilikewinter · 04/09/2021 18:13

I wouldn't contact him again, it doesn't sound like he's interested

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/09/2021 18:16

I'm willing to bet quite serious money that the reason you're enamoured is that your brain gave you a 'safe' way to practise being in a relationship after the split. One that would never work out so you could dip a toe in.

Enjoy the feeling, forget having an actual relationship with this one.

Greenhillfaraway · 04/09/2021 18:17

I don’t believe communicating online without meeting is having a relationship. I’ve had LDR’s and found them unsatisfying. I’d forget the guy you are messaging (who is probably sexting someone else now) and change your search settings for someone who lives close enough that you could meet midweek if you wanted and only talk to the men that fit that criteria.

ClaudiaWinkleHam · 04/09/2021 18:26

Is it really about him or just filling the void?

Original poster
Rockchk31 · 04/09/2021 18:28

@RantyAunty

Have you ever met him?
Nope which makes it more annoying that I feel the way I do!
OP posts:
BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 04/09/2021 18:29

Why would you pursue someone so far away? How often do you get to meet up?

Original poster
Rockchk31 · 04/09/2021 18:31

@ClaudiaWinkleHam

Is it really about him or just filling the void?
Uggghhh no it’s him, he is literally my perfect guy which sucks.
OP posts:
BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 04/09/2021 18:31

Ohhhh you've never met.
So, you are missing computer pixels and a avatar?

Polmuggle · 04/09/2021 18:32

He's not though, your perfect guy would live closer and pay you attention!

ClaudiaWinkleHam · 04/09/2021 18:36

It’s not really him though, is it? Until you meet you really have no idea if the connection is real or a (wonderful) fantasy. Or even what he’s like. Physical quirks, what they’re like in social situations, sex… the stuff that rounds out a human & relationship. Without meeting you fill in the blanks.

That said, there’s nothing wrong with staying in that fantasy as long as it doesn’t stop you living a real life too.

ChristmasFluff · 04/09/2021 19:59

He's not your perfect guy, but you've never met him, so you don't know that.

It's hard to let go of the fantasy - but that's all this is - a fantasy relationship.

You might as well be in love with George Clooney or Troy Tempest, or Loki or .... you get the picture?

This man has never existed (in this form) outside of your head.

"The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship" by Natalie Lue might be really helpful to you.

LV2NY · 04/09/2021 20:13

I am in a LDR and my advice based on your information is don’t get too involved. Date other people and don’t get hung up on this ever going anywhere.
My partner and I live 2 hours drive apart but this is a recent change, we originally lived close but he had to move for work. I find only seeing each other on weekends really difficult, I would love to live closer together but it’s not possible right now. I do sometimes think it might have been easier to end things when he moved away.

LV2NY · 04/09/2021 20:14

What I am saying is it’s very hard work!

SprayedWithDettol · 04/09/2021 20:16

It’s not a LDR OP. It’s flirting with a stranger.

Xztop · 04/09/2021 20:17

I'm in a similar situation but way more complicated (long, boring story) with the most unsuitable person ever. I think what @MrsTerryPratchett said is spot on and applies perfectly for me also.
I'm also sat here wanting to message him as I haven't heard from him for over 24 hours but I'm trying not to. I need to wean myself off him!

Original poster
Rockchk31 · 04/09/2021 21:01

@Xztop

I'm in a similar situation but way more complicated (long, boring story) with the most unsuitable person ever. I think what *@MrsTerryPratchett* said is spot on and applies perfectly for me also. I'm also sat here wanting to message him as I haven't heard from him for over 24 hours but I'm trying not to. I need to wean myself off him!
Honestly it sucks….you start to wonder if you have done something or if you are ‘needy’ which I hate that saying, what is wrong with wanting attention from your guy especially when it’s long distance. I keep composing messages but in my notes and haven’t sent anything yet….would be much easier if he wasn’t so hot 😂
OP posts:
crimsonlake · 04/09/2021 22:03

You have never even met him, this relationship is all in your head. Move on and say next.

RosesandPumpkins · 04/09/2021 22:11

Forget him. Too far away. And also it sounds like he’s not for you anyway. early intensity is a bad sign!
Get back online and start looking again and change your settings to more local people.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/09/2021 00:20

You have no idea if he's hot. You think he's externally attractive. And Hollywood has us convince that that is what we find sexually attractive. But it's not.

They did an experiment where they sent worn T-shirts to people. They would sniff then and say if they found the smell nice or not. Guess what? They found the people who smelled nice attractive when they met them. Smell, movement, touch, all much more important than outward prettiness.

I've had a successful LDR. What you have is not that. It's a fully online relationship. Not the same.

thecatsarecrazy · 05/09/2021 07:06

Op I wasted a year of my life on someone like this. I call it putting my heart on hold. Nothing to show for it. Just a load of broken promises. Be greatful it didn't last and find someone closer. He was probably a catfish anyway

category12 · 05/09/2021 07:37

He's not perfect - you haven't met him or smelt him. You don't actually know him and it's only been a few weeks. In person, you might feel bugger all for him or even be repulsed. He could have been mirroring you and catfishing you.

You need to give your head a wobble.

JustGiveMeGin · 05/09/2021 07:53

What about this person that you haven't met makes you think he's perfect? A picture (that could quite honestly be anyone and you wouldn't have a clue!).
He could be one of those guys that stink because they don't wash enough, a sloppy kisser, useless in bed, he could pick his nose and flick it or leave dirty skids in his undies Hmm
The guy you think is perfect for you is the one you have created in your fantasies....meanwhile Mr Real Life has already started ghosting you probably because he has found someone who lives closer on OLD.
Just a word of caution as you seem like you might need it. If he gets in touch with a sob story asking for money please don't send any.

GreyCarpet · 05/09/2021 10:25

@SprayedWithDettol

It’s not a LDR OP. It’s flirting with a stranger.
This!
GreyCarpet · 05/09/2021 10:27

what is wrong with wanting attention from your guy especially when it’s long distance

But he's not your guy is he? Not in any sense of the word. You've never met him!