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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Desperate for advice - sleazy H

25 replies

Sharing12345678 · 04/09/2021 15:57

I'm married to a sleaze bag. Very long story, cut short...didn't catch him cheating, but he ogles, turn his head after short skirts and that's been going for a couple of years. It's embarrassing to even go to a playground as he ogles and sleazes after other mums.

We are visiting family this weekend and I can see him exchanging inappropriate glances with his nephew's wife. He's known her for 10 years and I've not seem this happen before until today. I'm on the verge of breaking up right now!!! I'm so unhappy. But my DD is having so much fun with everyone I don't want to ruin it all. Plus we have a long drive home tomorrow, I want get home safe.

I've been so incredibly unhappy with this creep, I need a hand hold until I tell him it's all over.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 04/09/2021 16:00

Get home safely and then dump him.

It's embarrassing and humiliating being married to a sleaze bag.

Winnona · 04/09/2021 16:02

You need to play the long game.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 04/09/2021 16:03

His nephew's wife?! Gross.

Have you spoken with him about it? Does he deny he's doing it, or does he defend it with crap like "all men look"?

How are you fixed for ending things - will you cope practically and financially without him?

Sending you strength to get through the next bit. Lots of ☕ ☕ ☕

Winnona · 04/09/2021 16:07

If you have decided you want a divorce OP there are some excellent threads in relationships about getting your ducks in a row. copies of everything pay slips, bank statements etc, set up seperate email to store evidence texts

I hope you and DC find a happier place.

Sakurami · 04/09/2021 16:24

Yuck. Sending you strength until you get rid of the sleazeball

NowEvenBetter · 04/09/2021 16:38

He can just be presented with divorce papers, why bother to announce anything to the dirty man?

lunar1 · 04/09/2021 16:41

Yuck, you will be so much happier without him.

LastGirlSanding · 04/09/2021 17:04

Yuck. Get home safe and then end things. Until then concentrate on your daughter and seeing family. Keep reminding yourself this is the last time you will be putting up with this crap. Don’t drink too much this evening if you’re planning on drinking. Deep breaths, only another couple of days.

Sharing12345678 · 04/09/2021 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

BrendaBubbles · 04/09/2021 17:17

Is he actually doing anything other than looking at people the wrong way? When you say “sleazing” is he actually flirting or saying anything inappropriate? You might well be uncomfortable with him but it’s hard to tell what he’s even doing.

LadyCatStark · 04/09/2021 17:20

[quote Sharing12345678]@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

He's denied before, or if he's admitted he said he's got a quirk. Or turning his head because maybe something caught his eye.I'm at a breaking point now, he's doing it with any woman, a lot of them aren't necessarily strikingly attractive. He just enjoys it and he does it all the time. I'm just wondering sometimes if he is borderline autistic and therefore has a very twisted view of what's normal and what's abnormal behaviour?![/quote]
Is that your only reason for thinking he’s ‘borderline’ autistic? Because that’s pretty offensive if it is!

Coriandersucks · 04/09/2021 17:26

I'm just wondering sometimes if he is borderline autistic and therefore has a very twisted view of what's normal and what's abnormal behaviour?!

Wtf??

Regardless of this comment you need to leave him, he sounds revolting.

DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 04/09/2021 17:34

Yes, you know what you want to do, so you now have the advantage over this creep. Plan, find out about your rights, then split up.

Being autistic doesn't excuse it. I'm autistic. I can keep myself under control.

category12 · 04/09/2021 17:35

I don't think he needs diagnosing with anything other than arsehole disease.

grapewine · 04/09/2021 17:59

I'm just wondering sometimes if he is borderline autistic and therefore has a very twisted view of what's normal and what's abnormal behaviour?!

Nah. He's just an arsehole, OP.

Why so many people link arsehole with autism is beyond me and so unhelpful to people living with the diagnosis.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 04/09/2021 18:01

No.
That is not what autism is

He's a slimeball.

SameToo · 04/09/2021 18:03

Ah blaming bad behaviour on autism again. It’s called being an arsehole. HTH

ilovetomatoes · 04/09/2021 18:09

My sisters ex husband was like that. It was absolutely disgusting. Of course it all came out later that he had cheated multiple times. I think it’s inevitable. Someday a woman will respond to his looks/remarks and he will go for it. Regardless of whether he cheats or not, it’s incredibly disrespectful to you.

Original poster

Sharing12345678 · 04/09/2021 19:03

Sorry if some of you found the comparison offensive, I really didn't mean it, it was perhaps a bit ignorant if me.

OP posts:

Sampafie · 04/09/2021 19:09

I can see him exchanging inappropriate glances with his nephew's wife

This makes it sound like shes into it as well. I think its unfair of you to make that claim, when you KNOW your husband is a lecherous creep. Hes not exchanging glances, hes staring at his nephews wife inappropriately

Closetbeanmuncher · 05/09/2021 01:15

I'm just wondering sometimes if he is borderline autistic and therefore has a very twisted view of what's normal and what's abnormal behaviour?!

And there it is..

I truly wish people would educate themselves on what autism actually is and stop using it as a 'get out of jail' label to slap on piss poor behaviour.

He's just a garden variety thirsty prick which to be clear has absolutely nothing to do with autism.

He sounds painfully cringeworthy and in my experience this type of behaviour is often an indicator of a serial cheat.

Anordinarymum · 05/09/2021 01:17

@Sharing12345678

Sorry if some of you found the comparison offensive, I really didn't mean it, it was perhaps a bit ignorant if me.

I think you are trying to make excuses for his behaviour when there are none.

SarahBellam · 05/09/2021 06:41

No, he’s not autistic. That’s really insulting to people with autism! Your DH is a perv and a letch. They aren’t on the diagnostic criteria for autism. Agree with others. Play the long game - get money, documents, job, certificates, etc. sorted out and then when you’re ready bin him.

Esmereldashome · 06/09/2021 10:43

He sounds horrible, his behaviour is not acceptable. It's so disrespectful to you and the women he is staring/leching at in general. You've called him out on it and he's either initially denied it or when caught doing it said it's a quirk?
He's not going to change, he's even doing it with relatives for gods sake.
What an arrogant creep.
Get everything in order for leaving him.
Think of a future where you will be able to go places/attend events and not have to worry about his sleazy/lechy staring behaviour and will never look back.

PugMumm · 06/09/2021 19:24

Dump him. Sorry but from experience when you see a married man around his wife acting like a total sleeve it's the wife that also looks pathetic. It's not your fault.

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