Hekatestorchyeah that is true I never thought about that someone could just lie yes. I think I just put it in perspective (for me personally) that unless I heard the man was going down the legal route and I could actually see it that he’s doing something - but even then I would be wary. Would you be the same?
Absolutely I would. A man saying 'I am going through court at the moment' but showing no sign of doing anything, wouldn't be for me. Just like I would be wary of a man that started the 'My ex is crazy' on the first date.
The issue is that every situation and some lies can seem believable when in the first flush of dating. Like you had no clue he wasn't seeing his child when you met. He obviously lied and you believed it.
The only time I have understood a man cutting off a their child was a friend whose step son (he had raised him from a baby and considered him his son) was accused of several rapes at 17. As it became clear he had done it, felt no remorse and then continued to threaten the victims from prison. He felt he couldn't continue to be his support or provide him support when he eventually gets out. That I understood.
Again, if a man at some point down the line opens up that his ex was abusive I can't say I would disbelieve him. Its the context, how and when you are told etc. Its easy to say that men who label their exs abusive as liars. But not all will be lying.
But if a man said his ex was abusive I would be questioning why he isn't seeing the child as much as possible and fighting for them. I am quite cynical when it comes to romance and relationships. My thought would always be 'why are they telling me this and what do they gain'
My exh 2 last girlfriends have caused me no end of issues. The first one still looks at my social media, 2 years after they broke up. The first seemed a bit more switched on and eventually spoke to me and discovered he was a liar. But she is still with him. He told them I was crazy, I wanted him back, if we switched contact nights for him he would say it was me constantly switching and if he didn't agree I would stop him seeing the kids. If he didn't want to see them, he would say I had, had a breakdown and he needed to pick up the kids etc.
Non of which was true. But I understood why they believed him. He had lied to me during our marriage and I believed him.
On the other hand, dps ex fully admits that she punched him in the back of the head, when he was sat on at the dining room table, leading him to be admitted to hospital. She seemed quite proud of it.
My personal opinion is that anyone should be wary of information they receive in a relationship and really examine it.
In your situation, with your dd being adopted. I don't see a difference between adopted and bio children. He is being awful. I am not sure if I have made it clear I see no distinction between bio and adopted in cases of separation. But I do think he would be the same, if she was his bio child. He just feels the fact that she is adopted gives him an extra out
But going back to what I said before. Obsessing about what a new partner thinks of his story or thinks of you, isn't helping you.
You need to get to a point where you accept that you can't control what he tells people or what they believe. You know the truth and you have to be confident in that and not care about people who don't matter.