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Relationships

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Part ghosted and don't know why!

10 replies

obviouslyncforthis · 04/09/2021 07:44

My family and I moved to a small village a few months ago. I have old friends and family not too far away, but we knew nobody in the actual village when we came here.

Before we moved I put a post on a local group which another mum replied to. There was then really sporadic contact between us by text until we had moved (amongst lockdowns) and I didn't think I would hear from her again (just thought she may be busy/flaky) until our husbands bumped into each other and got on well. Subsequently we were invited round theirs and seemed to have a lovely time, we have a DC the same age which I thought was great as we were so new to the area and I'd realised there weren't so many other young DC living here.

After that she arranged a night with some other mums our age (with older kids) which also was lovely, in the meantime our DHs were meeting and talking regularly, and we had a handful of text exchanges 1:1 until the ghosting seemed to start - would read messages then just not reply for over a week and then not replying at all, including me asking if they were free for a play date (as we had talked about when we met) and even an invite to my DC party.

It upset me quite a lot (left out at school feeling) given we are new to the area, I felt really unwelcome and wondered if I'd said/done something offensive - but I thought there's no point worrying about it and moved on. Then recently I was invited to join a group of all mums locally, by her, and she's pretty active on that group, even answering my questions on there.

I can't make sense of it! I feel a bit crap again as preferred to have moved on but of course I want to connect with other mums here. I have one DC and she has 3, I've even thought if she's worried I'm going to try latch on because I have a single child which is utterly not my style.

Anyone else had similar experience - talking of plans to meet then being ghosted but then part of a group chat and included that way?! She's still not replied to my last 1:1 message sent a good 6 weeks ago 😆

OP posts:
MumUndone · 04/09/2021 08:13

Sounds like she doesn't want or have time to be friends with you individually, but is keeping up appearances on the group chat. I know a couple of people like this, very friendly in a group situation but not interested in forming a friendship outside of that. Often it's not personal, people just don't have time or headspace for another person in their lives sometimes.

GreyCarpet · 04/09/2021 08:22

I've even thought if she's worried I'm going to try latch on because I have a single child which is utterly not my style.

Tbh, this was going to be my suggestion.

It might not be hour style but she might well have been bitten by this before. It certainly seems to he the case of she's not being unfriendly as such but is just distancing herself from you on a personal level.

It might well be that you were texting her a lot to begin with because you knew no one else and were new and she didn't want that to continue.

It sounds like she just doesn't have the desire or inclination for a new friend but is including you on a group/social level.

obviouslyncforthis · 04/09/2021 08:47

Thanks for the thoughts. My texts weren't excessive, I'd wait for a reply.

I think what you both have said is right, it's hurtful and unwelcoming regardless as she'd initiated the conversation about play dates on the days off work we had in common. And it's a really small village!

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 04/09/2021 09:14

My texts weren't excessive, I'd wait for a reply.

I wasn't suggesting they were Flowers but she brings her own thoughts and experiences to the table too. She's clearly a welcoming person as she responded to you in the first place but it really does just sound like she doesn't want to be 'friends'.

It's hard because, to her, she was just being welcoming and introducing a newcomer to other people and social events in the area whereas you felt like you'd made a new friend.

It's perfectly reasonable to feel like that! But it might just not be what she wanted.

WatieKatie · 04/09/2021 09:43

Does your husband still hear from or see her husband?

obviouslyncforthis · 04/09/2021 09:47

Yup you're right, I guess it was a bit confusing after she suggested getting together on the weekdays we were both free then just ghosted! Especially as the dads get on well too.

I realise I've been lucky to not have experienced 'friendships' like this before - I find it really odd to just never respond to someone (especially to then include them in a group) - it feels a bit rude.

OP posts:
obviouslyncforthis · 04/09/2021 09:48

@WatieKatie yup! My husband gets really good vibes from hers as well and he's really responsive on texts.

OP posts:
Runforthehillocks · 04/09/2021 09:52

What's this lancing in because you have a single child thing? Never heard of this before.

Runforthehillocks · 04/09/2021 09:53

Latching on, not lancing in!

furbabymama87 · 04/09/2021 09:56

I'd just try and let it go. It probably isn't personal. Some people are flaky. She might be going through something that means she hasn't got the time or will to be responsive.

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