Am I a bad person for not breaking up with my boyfriend?

[Lemon2007]

I like him a lot and I enjoy being with him
we havent had sex but we are pretty active in other stuff,
been together since april, but I can't see it lasting
to be honest, the main reason I said yes is because 1, i didn't want anything to be awkward *my best friend is dating his best friend, I was single and didn't have any good reason not to) and 2, as much as i hate to say it, I have feeling for my friend, and I cant get over them
I feel like it's unfair to be dating someone when I like someone else more, but I don't want to miss out on life because of something I cant have either
am I being a bad person? should I just cut things off even though nothing is wrong in the relationship? I like being with him and I love being physical and stuff, but I'm really scared too if it get's way too serious

Are you very young?

@GreyhoundG1rl

Are you very young?

yeah btw i'm sorry, I'm dumb and didn't realize it's a mom's forum I'm jsut trying to find good places for talking to people about stuff i dont like talking to my friends about

You enjoy being with him, your young, just see how things go for now and not worry too much, things have naturally got a way of working out sometimes, either you'll drift apart or one of you has enough or perhaps your feelings with deepen over time, see how it goes. Nothing has to get serious if you don't want it to, I'm assuming you don't have the pressure of marriage and children at your age so just enjoy hanging out together.

You're fine to post here!

Some posters ask if people are young as a way of being sarky others because it will affect the response given.

Personally, when I was young (late teens/early 20s) I dated men I wasn't really interested in for the same reasons as you're dating this guy really. And I certainly dated men who weren't right for me in the long term! But I just wanted to have fun.

Was it the right thing to do? Who knows. I wasn't interested in finding love or marriage, I just wanted to hang out with someone I had fun with. But I didn't have any angst about it either.

If you were older, I'd say don't waste your time and don't waste his but as long as you're kind and respectful to each other and don't make promises you don't intend to keep, I don't see the real harm in it.

You shouldn’t feel like you have to be with someone out of awkwardness or because it fits in with others.

However it does also sound like you like and fancy and get on with this guy? Is that right, and that although you kind of got together for not great reasons you do actually like, get on and enjoy spending time with him?

Is it more just the having feelings for someone else and worrying that you won’t be able to feel that way about him that is bothering you?

Have you talked to him about this or how he feels/what he wants going forward? It’s okay to have a nice, light, fun relationship, but it’s better if you’re both aware of the possible limitations, plus it might take the pressure off.

You may get over the person you like but can’t be with and find you do genuinely like this guy in time.

But also don’t stay together if it doesn’t feel right. If your gut is saying it’s wrong, for whatever reason, just end it and be friends, and enjoy being single.

Youre basically using him. Whatever way you spin it, yes it's wrong. Find someone you actually want to be with.

You're enjoying yourself so carry on having fun! You can break up if it does get too serious too soon!

Just dont be pressured into anything you're unhappy with and dont think you have to feel or say anything you don't mean. I think its ok to go with the flow.

@Bellendejour

You shouldn’t feel like you have to be with someone out of awkwardness or because it fits in with others.

However it does also sound like you like and fancy and get on with this guy? Is that right, and that although you kind of got together for not great reasons you do actually like, get on and enjoy spending time with him?

Is it more just the having feelings for someone else and worrying that you won’t be able to feel that way about him that is bothering you?

Have you talked to him about this or how he feels/what he wants going forward? It’s okay to have a nice, light, fun relationship, but it’s better if you’re both aware of the possible limitations, plus it might take the pressure off.

You may get over the person you like but can’t be with and find you do genuinely like this guy in time.

But also don’t stay together if it doesn’t feel right. If your gut is saying it’s wrong, for whatever reason, just end it and be friends, and enjoy being single.

yeah, i think if it wasn't for my feelings for my friend this would be a really good relationship.

thank you for all the replies by the way
i don't know if you will all see this but it means a lot :)

Are you scared because you're not ready for it to be serious? Or because deep down you know you don't have that essential spark for him? If it's the first then you have personal demons to deal with. Don't throw away what could be the best thing going.

If it's the second then you need to end it because at the end of the day you are just wasting each others time to be with the right person.

I remember a sort of friend (gay) who kissed his straight friend on a night out. Instead of just saying he was being silly he ended up dating her for about 2 years. In the end he realised that he made a huge mistake and ended it. Don't be like this guy.