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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need a clear plan of action to get out.

2 replies

youngandbroken · 03/09/2021 14:45

I have really messed up, I have made a huge mess of my life and now I don't know how to fix it. I have been with my partner for 9 years we have 2 children together, we aren't married and I only work very part time as a waitress. I have no qualifications and I can't get on the housing register because I haven't lived here (or anywhere for 5 consecutive years). My parents are divorced and neither of them are an option to help me, I have no friends.

I have come to the realisation that I will never be good enough for my partner, I have extremley severe depression and being here is only making it worse. I'm not comfortable with certain parts of our sex life but I don't feel like I can say no, but I do try to avoid it which then makes him angry and if I do say no then he continuously tries to change my mind I never hear the end of it so I end up saying yes just to make him stop but then it starts all over again. He doesn't do any housework and he's short tempered. He does have his own issues which he has recently started talking about and tells me that I'm not supportive enough and I don't care about him enough. He also says that I choose to be depressed because I don't make changes and put the effort in which is probably true I don't but I am exhausted and really it doesn't matter whether I'm the horrible person or not does it? This relationship isnt making either of us happy and so that can't be good for the children so I need to get out. But I don't know how, I don't know where to turn I have nobody, I have no money, I have no security and I have no where to go.

OP posts:
Walkingalot · 03/09/2021 16:38

First, sorry you are in this situation and I agree you'll be far happier apart.
Is there any reason you can't stay in your home and he leaves? Is it rented or owned? Is your name on anything?
Go on Turn2us - benefits calculator - to see what you would be entitled to plus you'll get child maintenance from your DP.

Rocaille · 03/09/2021 20:43

The National Domestic Abuse Helpline will help you to make a plan. He is sexually abusive, probably financially and emotionally abusive too.

Since you are leaving an abusive relationship, you are deemed to be homeless and are entitled to be rehoused anywhere in the UK. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline can explain this process to you.

Good luck. x

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

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