Ex Bf won't let it go.

[IceLace100]

I split up with an ex in Jan 2020. He was controlling, needy and generally not good for me. A tricky person, who in the short time we were together pushed me to the edge of sanity. (All the usual controlling BS, accusing me of cheating, telling me what to wear etc).

When we split up he would not leave me alone. He texted me 50+ times in an evening (with no responses), showed up at my flat, contacted me on social media. I had to block him off everything. At the start of the pandemic I went to stay with family to get away from it all. I eventually sent him a letter drafted by a lawyer friend and threatened to call the police. That seemed to finally work!

Now I am moving on and internet dating but he keeps "matching" with me on every app. Obv I block him as soon as I can. But every time I feel my stomach lurch. It's so nerve wracking to think he is still out there, lurking, looking at my profiles, and he is STILL matching with me! I mean, what is he thinking?

Anyone else had this? I am really struggling to trust the people I meet online and in real life because of this experience and it doesn't help when my exes mug keeps showing up!

Nothing I can do except to keep blocking I guess. Just panics me...

Do you mean the app's algorithms are showing you his profile as a potential match, or is he seeing you on there and actively 'swiping right' to try and match with you? Bit of a difference - he may be actively doing OLD to meet someone else and it's pure coincidence rather than intentionally stalking you online. Just keep blocking unless he's trying to contact you in a harassing way.

Depends on the app, contact works differently on different apps. Wherever possible he likes/ swipes right/ messages.

Sorry you’re going through this. As annoying as it is I would stick with apps where this isn’t possible, e.g. Bumble. This is to put your mind at rest, not for his benefit.

Definitely worth speaking to your friend again to see if anything can be done from a legal POV.

But then if I limit my dating apps he is STILL controlling my life isn't he?

How do you know he's swiping right if you swipe left on him?

So on bumble I can only block him if I swipe right first. If I swiped left he'd still be able to see my profile etc. So I swipe right then immediately block. Maybe there is a way to block him without swiping right but I couldn't work out how to do it.

On other apps he can just message me out the blue (match etc).

I think that people are getting a bit hung up on the swiping/ contact things. Not really the purpose of my post to be quizzed on various dating app set ups/ contact initiations etc.

I would be getting advice on dealing with a stalker.

Are his initials L W is he from Nottingham- if so PM the police have several accounts from most of his exs and really need more to come forward.

@IceLace100

But then if I limit my dating apps he is STILL controlling my life isn't he?

Honestly, I’ve had a similar issue in the past and I just stopped myself being accessible to him. I’m not denying it’s frustrating and yes, you’re not doing 100% what you want but I opted for that route because I was just sick and tired of him being able to contact me.

And if you just swipe not interested on Bumble he shouldn’t reappear and you can report without swiping. I don’t understand why you need to block? I understand you want to but it’s so short term.

I think you need to make a note of every time something like this happens - it's verging into stalker territory.

I mean he is a stalker that's for sure.

But he could say he was just using dating apps... I don't think the police would do anything about it, and I wouldn't take it to them unless it goes further.

Sounds like he is obsessive. This needs to be dealt with immediately. I would look at perhaps messaging and say "his name", this needs to stop immediately as this is considered harrasment. If this continues I will contact the police.

He clearly can't accept the situation and made need the authorities intervention. Definately a possible stalker.

Contact the dating apps and see what they say. They might block him from using the apps altogether. This is not normal behaviour.

@IceLace100

So on bumble I can only block him if I swipe right first. If I swiped left he'd still be able to see my profile etc. So I swipe right then immediately block. Maybe there is a way to block him without swiping right but I couldn't work out how to do it.

On other apps he can just message me out the blue (match etc).

I think that people are getting a bit hung up on the swiping/ contact things. Not really the purpose of my post to be quizzed on various dating app set ups/ contact initiations etc.

Hi Op If you scroll down to the bottom of his profile there is and option to hide and report. If you hide it means he can no longer see your profile. I think you can also block and report to bumble.