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Original poster

Help with a narcissist ex

5 replies

marvmaise · 03/09/2021 10:59

So I've finally left my partner of 3 years who I have a 2 month ds with, after years of being emotionally abused and manipulated, cheating you name it he done it except it never got physical- even though he had threatened it once. Anyways, he's on the birth certificate as at the time I was too scared to disagree with him and just went along with every little thing, stupid I know but there we go. Now my worried lie with the baby, my ex is in the army and lives at the barracks 5 days a week, and then home on weekend, I've moved back in with my grandad because the house we had was a million miles away from any family or support for me and the baby. I'm worried if he comes to see the baby or take him out for the day what if he doesn't return him, it's something he'd do, then I've got to get rid of the house we have which is packed with all of his furniture, luckily enough a family member for me and I packed everything I could in that car for me and the baby. What if he pulls the mental health card to try and get the baby, even though I'm much better since being on tablets. I doubt I'm even going to be able to set a civil matter with him for visits and child maintenance

OP posts:
Original poster
marvmaise · 03/09/2021 11:01

@marvmaise

So I've finally left my partner of 3 years who I have a 2 month ds with, after years of being emotionally abused and manipulated, cheating you name it he done it except it never got physical- even though he had threatened it once. Anyways, he's on the birth certificate as at the time I was too scared to disagree with him and just went along with every little thing, stupid I know but there we go. Now my worried lie with the baby, my ex is in the army and lives at the barracks 5 days a week, and then home on weekend, I've moved back in with my grandad because the house we had was a million miles away from any family or support for me and the baby. I'm worried if he comes to see the baby or take him out for the day what if he doesn't return him, it's something he'd do, then I've got to get rid of the house we have which is packed with all of his furniture, luckily enough a family member for me and I packed everything I could in that car for me and the baby. What if he pulls the mental health card to try and get the baby, even though I'm much better since being on tablets. I doubt I'm even going to be able to set a civil matter with him for visits and child maintenance
Also last one thing, the most he's brought for this baby is milk and nappies, one outfit and a couple of creams everything else I got, on a half wage that he's on as he likes to just chuck his money on radio competitions, drinking with his mates and takes all my money and gives me hardly anything back (half the reason why I left) so now I'm thinking how is he even gonna be able to pay child support if he can't even afford to help us out now!!
OP posts:
Original poster
marvmaise · 03/09/2021 11:05

@marvmaise

So I've finally left my partner of 3 years who I have a 2 month ds with, after years of being emotionally abused and manipulated, cheating you name it he done it except it never got physical- even though he had threatened it once. Anyways, he's on the birth certificate as at the time I was too scared to disagree with him and just went along with every little thing, stupid I know but there we go. Now my worried lie with the baby, my ex is in the army and lives at the barracks 5 days a week, and then home on weekend, I've moved back in with my grandad because the house we had was a million miles away from any family or support for me and the baby. I'm worried if he comes to see the baby or take him out for the day what if he doesn't return him, it's something he'd do, then I've got to get rid of the house we have which is packed with all of his furniture, luckily enough a family member for me and I packed everything I could in that car for me and the baby. What if he pulls the mental health card to try and get the baby, even though I'm much better since being on tablets. I doubt I'm even going to be able to set a civil matter with him for visits and child maintenance
I've left his phone number unblocked everything else he's blocked on so that if he wants to see the baby he can, I have nothing against that but unsupervised there's nothing I can do about it, yet over the last two days he hasn't even messaged to ask to see a picture of him or even ask how he is or to even see him this weekend, which I'm half grateful I don't have to worry about him coming to take the baby but feel sad for our son that he's father hasn't even checked up on him
OP posts:
Original poster
marvmaise · 03/09/2021 11:08

@marvmaise

So I've finally left my partner of 3 years who I have a 2 month ds with, after years of being emotionally abused and manipulated, cheating you name it he done it except it never got physical- even though he had threatened it once. Anyways, he's on the birth certificate as at the time I was too scared to disagree with him and just went along with every little thing, stupid I know but there we go. Now my worried lie with the baby, my ex is in the army and lives at the barracks 5 days a week, and then home on weekend, I've moved back in with my grandad because the house we had was a million miles away from any family or support for me and the baby. I'm worried if he comes to see the baby or take him out for the day what if he doesn't return him, it's something he'd do, then I've got to get rid of the house we have which is packed with all of his furniture, luckily enough a family member for me and I packed everything I could in that car for me and the baby. What if he pulls the mental health card to try and get the baby, even though I'm much better since being on tablets. I doubt I'm even going to be able to set a civil matter with him for visits and child maintenance
And I'm upset that he hasn't asked to see the baby over the last two days which I should rephrase that he actually hasn't even seen our baby for the last two weeks so for someone who loves this baby and would 'do everything in his power to get him if we broke up' not adding up to me at all
OP posts:
mancarose · 03/09/2021 11:42

You're now classed as the only primary carer as he doesn't live with the child so it's classed as child abduction if he takes the child without your permission. Honestly it sounds like he's not going to be very involved, so if you can, try to get used to it being just you and your baby for now. If he does get in contact suggest working out a plan/arrangement that works for the both of you to encourage regular contact

Original poster
marvmaise · 03/09/2021 11:48

@mancarose

You're now classed as the only primary carer as he doesn't live with the child so it's classed as child abduction if he takes the child without your permission. Honestly it sounds like he's not going to be very involved, so if you can, try to get used to it being just you and your baby for now. If he does get in contact suggest working out a plan/arrangement that works for the both of you to encourage regular contact
Even if he's on the birth certificate? Yeah he lives at barracks for 5 days of the week and then if he can afford it home for two days so barracks is his home really. Definitely have been getting use to it feel so much more stress free with him not being around I feel like I can be the best mum I can be. Maybe I should contact him to arrange something but I know he won't be able to skive out of child support (he's joked about that before too) because the army is strict about that
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