Is this inappropriate?.. advice please re Xmas.

[unicorn]

Briefly, I have had a major falling out with my siblings (too long winded to go into) and it will be very difficult to rectify.

My query is about Christmas,and the issue of presents.

Do I not get them anything.. or, as I was thinking, would it be appropriate to send some of those Oxfam vouchers (buy a goat/pig/fruit tree etc?) which I think would be a good compromise?

Any thoughts?

I dont htink we can advise unless we know
*how long you have flalen out for
*if theres any chance at reconcilation
*what you usually do

do you buy them presents each year unicorn?

I'd have thought the vouchers were a good idea. They still get something (which is good if they end up getting you something!), someone in need benefits, and it doesn't look stingy because it is a great present idea even if you hadn't fallen out. My mum got a flock of chickens for me last year!

I would have thought the key issue here is whether you want this to be a permanent falling out or whether you want to mend bridges? If you usually get presents, and this year you get them nothing - that sounds pretty final. Gifts could be a way of holding out an olive branch. Are you going to see them over Christmas? And when you say "major falling out" do you mean you are all being icily polite or do you mean there is no communication going on at all?

I would just go with what feels right to you without any regard to whether they will get you anything in return. After all gift giving is generally a sign that you wish the recipient of the gift well so it's all down to the attitude of the giver....

well.. 'my dysfunctional family' (has there already been a book called this? if I ever write one that's my title)

briefly I had a major row with my elderly mother last year (xmas day)all centred around her preference for my brother (I know, I know it sounds very childish)

Me and brother haven't spoken since last year, my other sister is very firmly on his 'side' and totally blames me - I had a row with her last week, and my other sister tends to not get involved, but if forced will join the others...

Previously we have always given pressies, it just feels rather false to do so this year..

I don't know how it can be sorted really... it is too deep (I have said a lot of hurtful things I know - but I think I have wanted to hurt them, as they have me IYSWIM)

I wouldnt give a present to someone I wasnt talking to!
certainly
you woudlnt give a friend a presnet if you hated them woudl you?

if you want to try and mend bridges then send something small. If you feel it is impossible, then I wouldn't bother .

My brother has a child,(who we haven't seen in over a year now) and 1 sister has 2 (older ones) so maybe I just send the kids stuff?

I think my whole idea of 'family' and what it means has completely shifted since I have had my own kids.
It has left me very angry about my siblings (bullying features) and it's all stuff that I am exploring in my counselling sessions.

i think sending the kids stuff sounds good then you cant get acsed of takeing it out on them

i think sending the kids stuff sounds good then you cant get acsed of takeing it out on them

presents for kids is a lovely idea - I think that happens with some families anyway as it can get expensive to buy gifts for everyone and kids love it so much.

I hope things improve with your siblings soon - maybe it is worth one more attempt? A really brave phone call or card? It sounds like you care for them even if they are awful. Good luck