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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Relationship problems

25 replies

Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:01

Hello everyone,
I just joined Your community and I am so excited to read your opinions.
I am married since one year and a half and my husband is insisting too much about the topic of having a baby.
I am so scared about this...
Please don't consider me superficial for what i am saying now but ...i am so scared that if i get pregnant my body will not come back anymore like before...I fought a lot to get this result and I struggle many years to reach it and I am not able to compromise on this.
Plus my husband is also showing that he doesn't want to take any responsibility...I mean he puts all the duties on me...whatever needs to be done I am the one who needs to do it...and after if for a chance he does something he starts to complain that he is very tired...why doesn't he try to wear my shoes?
Now also our intimacy is getting low cause I don't like his thinking...it seems that he is just directed to generate a baby and nothing else...and if I refuse to be intimate with him he gets very upset ...I don't know

OP posts:
premium77 · 02/09/2021 21:04

Why didn’t you discuss having kids before you got married?

Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:06

We discussed but as we talked before it didn't seemed something so necessary...it was an hypothetical situation but he never expressed it like kind of mandatory...but now he keeps on insisting

OP posts:
ttcissoboring · 02/09/2021 21:06

I wouldn't do it with an unsupportive partner ever.

Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:08

In fact the way he is behaving also makes me very worried...if after having a baby I will find myself to be obliged to carry by myself only also all the responsibilities towards the child?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2021 21:08

He sounds horrible on many levels. End the marriage.

Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:09

He just puts all on me...and his Family is also a big disaster...father and mother not working..one sister not working and just sleeping until 12 noon and playing mobile and after them they keep on asking money to him...so he gives money to them and also economically I need to take care of our family

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 02/09/2021 21:10

You don’t have to stay with him. Kids is the biggest dealbreaker there is and I wouldn’t want a husband who’s lazy and doesn’t do half the housework. Did you know he was like that before you married him?

Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:11

I already thought about ending the marriage...but I always rejected this idea until now because I would like not to give pain to my family that it has been always so supportive for me

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2021 21:11

FFS. Just admit the marriage was a big mistake and end it. It's nothing to feel bad about.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2021 21:12

Your family's opinion on the matter is irrelevant. They aren't the ones who have to be married to him.

Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:12

No I never had any clue that he was like that...before he was different ...now he is very changed.. even his family I never had any clue that was so

OP posts:
Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:14

Yes this marriage had been a big mistake...I regret it...I tried to fix it in any way possible...I talked to him so many times but my words last one day and after again like before

OP posts:
Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:15

Him now just focused to keep on asking a baby because his mommy said that we are already married since many months and after people will start to talk...!! So what they have to say? Let them talk whatever...better if his mommy will say how much awful she is

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2021 21:16

Don't regret it, op, learn from it. Now you know what you want and what you don't. Now you know to be much more careful and observant in the future.

Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:17

We are 2 different cultures but in the beginning it seemed all ok...now it started the gap...but more than culture it is him that became another person...sometimes I don't even like anymore to babe him around

OP posts:
sleepyhoglet · 02/09/2021 21:19

What is your cultural background? Is. His a background where the women stay home and do all the childcare/house work and treat the men like princes?

Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:21

Yes for sure I received a big lesson...very huge lesson from him and his Family...also his family always interfere in our marriage and just keeps on asking money and enjoy without doing anything...nice life
Drama queen, king, princess..and adding my husband drama prince
I treated my husband more than a prince...I did everything...I was working early morning, I was picking him up from work late night...sleeping 2 or 3 hours and after going work again and back home clean the house, cook and do whatever necessary..but still not enough...he spend all his money for his family and me I need to take care of all our necessity and expenses

OP posts:
Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:23

I am European and he is Indian...in his background, actually, women they stay home but they don't do anything even at home...just eat, sleep, watching TV and make babies...

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 02/09/2021 21:24

It sounds like he wants to trap you by getting you pregnant.

Absolutely divorce time.
Don't feel bad. Your parents want most for you to be happy. And you won't be happy with this man. He is lazy...and creepy. Time to run. Run fast, run far!

Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:25

Before getting married he showed himself very detached from his background but now he is showing to be attached to that only for giving all the money to his lazy family and to ask for babies...about the rest me I have to do all the work and take care of everything and after him he just says I love you a lot...words..

OP posts:
Original poster
Deluded1245 · 02/09/2021 21:26

Yes I agree it is time to end this nonsense...now it is too much...I love him but now also my love starts to decrease day by day...he pushed me till the limit

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2021 21:27

Get a solicitor as soon as possible. Do you rent or own? Get out of this marriage as soon as possible, and fgs, do not get pregnant.

Pinkbonbon · 02/09/2021 21:50

You gotta love yourself in these situations and not be bullied into having a baby you don't want with a man who wont look after it.

And for what it's worth, no way would I risk ruining my body (or health or mental health) having a child either. It's a perfectly acceptable choice to wish to keep your body baby free.

A shame it wasn't discussed more before marriage but well, we live and learn.

Pinkbonbon · 02/09/2021 21:54

Ps: perhaos a little paranoid but - if you do stay, be aware that he may have put holes in the condoms using a pin. So if I were you, I'd at least make sure you are also on the pill.

Original poster
Deluded1245 · 03/09/2021 03:32

I own the apartment where we stay but there isn't mentioned his name..bought just under my name.

I am happy that you understand me and you don't judge me about my thinking of keeping my body same like it is.

About the condoms actually I also started to think that he might make some small holes with a pin...I am not taking pills...and this thinking plus bis behaviour makes me not be anymore ready to have an intimacy with him...cause actually since we for married it has been also different from before...it happened more than one time that he was like dead in that part...no reaction at all...or when there things are working...he will just do thinking exclusively to himself...

I feel that he just take me for granted...kind of...now I marry her...so ok ...now there is this boundary between us...but marriage it is not like that...I never took him for granted even one time but him allows himself to do whatever.
If he is in a call with me and his mummy calls him...he immediately puts me on hold and talk with his mommy...also her very nice person...liar and just able to make drama ...same also his sister and his father...I am so tired.
No contributions at all...from his Family I didn't received even a candy...not that I am looking for this but if I compared how my Family treated him and how is Family treated me...there is a huge difference...but him always so supportive of his parasite family.

OP posts:
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