My ex wants to get back together

[Crumpets123]

Some may remember my posts from around a month ago... my partner told me about a month ago that she wasn't fully satisfied in our relationship, wasn't happy, and felt that this wasn't the relationship she wanted for the rest of her life. I asked her to stay, but she decided to leave and has been staying with friends since.

After an initial panic and pleading from myself to work on things, I accepted the decision and started to fully focus on working on myself. I tried to see this as a positive opportunity to get my confidence and identity back after basically making her the centre of my world, and forgetting about myself.

I have counselling every week, I've started going to the gym again, I'm starting dance lessons, taking up new hobbies, joined a meetup group and doing new things. I absolutely hated being in the house on my own for the first few weeks, but now I have adjusted. I am actually relieved to not have to clean up after someone else all the time. Nice to have the TV to myself etc.

It was my birthday at the weekend which was really rubbish and I felt quite low over the weekend, but picked myself back up and feeling okay again.

Throughout the break up, she had been messaging me, wanting to see me, trying to chat and start conversations. She says she hasn't been doing well, and the roles seem to have completely reversed and it almost feels like I'm the one who has broken up with her.

Today, she has told me she loves me, wants to try again, doesn't want to give up. Wants to work on things....

But I just don't know. I've been doing okay the past few weeks apart from my birthday blip. I don't feel like I'm dying without her. Our relationship had a lot or arguments, and I am questioning whether I would be happier with someone else. I don't feel confident that things could be different. I need to see that she is improving herself or working on herself.

I just have a lot of doubts. I do still love her very much and care about her so much. But I feel like maybe this break up, and everything that has happened has almost killed some part of how I feel about her now?

But we live together, have dogs, had so many future plans, we want the same things in life, we have the same interests. Things could be good? But I just got to the point I accepted it and was moving on and now it feels hard to back track on that mindset.

I dont know what to do

Well, you could also have a lot in common with someone else and to be honest if you feel that your life could be better with someone else. What's the point in going back just because you have similar interests. You may have dogs but that's not a deal breaker.

You've only recently broken up. So, give it time but you need to put your happiness first.

I think you have answered you own question.

You care for her but realise that despite caring she is not the one and your future lies elsewhere.

Of course the split would have been hard, a shock, lonely.
But you have thrived and have looked to the future.

Keep moving forward.
There were issues.
Those issues haven't resolved themselves.
She was unhappy.
What has changed?
Has she decided to settle?

You deserve better.
You deserve more.
Embrace moving forward.

I think you know that your future holds more for you than her, despite feeling affection for her and what ye had.

I think you have moved on. I all think if she was having doubts then there might be some Fundamental flaws in your relationship which won’t go away. Maybe she is worried you are moving on and is testing the water? I think the fact you are questioning this give you your answer

One more thing and sorry to mention this - why was she unhappy and didn’t want to spend the rest of her life with you but now wants to come back?! What’s changed? Did she have her head turned by someone and it didn’t work out? Either way you deserve more than someone who seems to want to just settle

You can love someone and still know you shouldn't be with them. You are better, as a person, without her. Don't take a massive step backwards.

Don't look back, your through the acute painful time which is the worst. Carry on moving forward and keep investing in yourself. There are plenty more fish in the sea when your ready to swim again smile]