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Original poster

Some Advice/Opinions Please

10 replies

teatimesnacker · 02/09/2021 18:06

I've met someone online and we are going to meet up next week. He has been open with me about various things about himself.

I had a bad time with a mental illness 5 years ago but I am OK now. From what he has said he doesn't have any understanding of it (he mentioned it in relation to something else). I am not sure whether to mention it before the date or let him meet me face to face first so he can see that the illness doesn't effect me.

In a way I would like to enlighten him so that he can change his opinion of the illness but we might just end up as friends anyway if we don't have a spark on the date or not ever see each other again.

Opinions on a postcard please Smile

OP posts:
Sideorderofchips · 02/09/2021 18:09

I didn't tell my boyfriend about my health issues until we had been on a few dates and were talking about our lives etc

Treesinthewind · 02/09/2021 18:10

I think it depends on how much it impacts your life. I don't think it's something you should feel you have to tell him about. I've tended to be honest about having anxiety but then wish I'd held back a bit, as I end up in a dynamic where they think I need looking after.

If you do want to mention it, I'd probably drop it into conversation rather than making it "a thing" and see how he responses. Good luck!

Hoporific · 02/09/2021 18:27

I think it depends on how it currently affects your life as to when/if to raise it. I'd probably avoid on a first date unless your problems are going to manifest themselves there and then (presume they wouldn't).
I had a girlfriend once who waited a few weeks to tell me about her anxiety/depression. I couldn't have given two hoots about it at the time (smitten). As time went on it did cause a lot of problems however. If she's said at time well I have depression I have difficulties with X/Y/Z which might severely impact my life then I might have though twice!

66babe · 02/09/2021 19:13

I would hang fire until you decide if you will be taking it further , you may not last more than a coffee and if he has such little understanding now , it won't help at all
Enjoy the date and just be yourself

Original poster
teatimesnacker · 02/09/2021 22:36

Thanks all - that's good advice. I won't say anything for now. The illness doesn't impact on my daily life so as far as I'm concerned it's not an issue.

OP posts:
66babe · 07/09/2021 13:06

How did the date go @teatimesnacker
Was it what you hoped for ?

Original poster
teatimesnacker · 07/09/2021 17:19

We met for coffee yesterday. He was nice but there was no spark so I'm glad I didn't say anything about my mental health.

OP posts:
66babe · 07/09/2021 19:16

Ah well , no harm done , plenty more fish in the sea ...

Original poster
teatimesnacker · 07/09/2021 20:51

It's a shame as he seemed so nice.

OP posts:
66babe · 07/09/2021 21:11

That's the issue with OLD .. you can begin to imagine that they may be great .. then you meet them and the illusion can be shattered
I've learned to meet sooner rather than later.
Just keep on looking and keep your wits about you . 🤗

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