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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advise needed

13 replies

Chris1970 · 02/09/2021 17:32

Hi
My bf had suggested i move in into his apartment and after some thought I agreed. Gave notice to my landlord, found a place for my adult son to live on his own and sold some of my furniture and was packing and planning to move in within 28 days. My bf then changes his mind last night and says we should continue to date and live separately. He says he’s allowed to change his mind and brings up whole bunch of reasons from his mild OCD to worrying about my kids (adults) etc etc. SO with the other stress factors currently in my life, I decided to end the relationship last night primarily because I do not want to be played around like this. Plus it was his idea i move in with him. My question is….. was I too hasty in breaking up?

OP posts:
thesplashing · 02/09/2021 17:33

No. You did the right thing.

WhoppingBigBackside · 02/09/2021 17:33

No.

JoyOrbison · 02/09/2021 17:35

You have done the right thing. Why invite you to move in then say you can't know g there are your dc involved and you have ended your tenancy.

What an unpleasant thing to do to you.

Viddy2021 · 02/09/2021 17:40

Dodged bullet. You did the right thing

Justcallmebebes · 02/09/2021 17:46

Nasty move on his part. I'd be furious but giving up your home does make you vulnerable

Sattherelikealemon · 02/09/2021 17:47

No, unless there was a drastic change in circumstances then he should have made up his mind long before you gave notice, sold your furniture and got your son to make other arrangements. He's fucked you about badly, and your landlord and your son and is essentially saying he wants the relationship to stay exactly as it is, on his terms after having seen you prove your commitment to him by making all of those arrangements to move in. Nah.

Sattherelikealemon · 02/09/2021 17:47

I hope you can cancel your notice to leave (unless you want to move anyway) Flowers

Original poster
Chris1970 · 03/09/2021 16:16

Thank you so much to all who replied and the support! It’s tough cos I do want to reach out but he hasn’t (its been a day) nor actually has he apologized. I believe that we are all allowed to change our minds and I’m trying hard to realize that there are no guarantees in life except birth and death….and thus not to have expectations. I can’t control his actions but I’m left feeling sad, hurt and confused.

My big guilt though is having had this discussion with him on the phone whilst he is very sick at home (but he was the one who initiated the topic on not moving in) and i feel like a bad gf for then getting into the discussion with him and then hastily saying that we should break up. Was I wrong in breaking up whilst he’s very sick (fever)

OP posts:
ClaudiaWinkleHam · 03/09/2021 16:38

You have absolutely done the right thing Flowers

MadeForThis · 03/09/2021 16:52

You did the right thing

girlmom21 · 03/09/2021 16:52

You've definitely done the right thing. He's let you give up everything including your home. You can't rely on him.

Viddy2021 · 05/09/2021 00:39

If he were seriously sick he wouldn't have the energy or desire to discuss moving in. Dont feel guilty at all and don't cave and stay. He sounds immature and uncommitted.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2021 00:52

You did the right thing and don't look back.

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