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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I in the wrong? What would you do?

27 replies

JasFlowerr · 01/09/2021 20:22

I feel like I’m about to absorb lose my s@£t!

My husband has an old 53 reg standard Golf. It gets driven about twice a month! We were going to sell it a few months ago, but he couldn’t part with it. It’s not one he’s had for years, bought it 3 years ago for him to commute to work and golf.
He has been working from home now since early last year, and will still work from home so I just think it’s a waste of expenses just sitting in our drive. The amount of arguments we’ve had over this car is insane, not proper arguments though, more like heated discussions!
It just doesn’t make sense to me to pay £40 a month in tax and insurance for it to sit there. He says he wants to keep it because it’s handy to have 2 cars. I ask why, he says incase he needs to go somewhere when I’m not there, this never happens! Last MOT he didn’t even do a 1000 miles over the past year, it’ll be interesting to see how much he’s done this year, while he’s been working at home! I bet not even 200. I work 3 nights a week so that’s the only time the family car is gone. And if he goes to play golf he could easily catch a lift with his friend who goes with him, and only lives down the road. Or I’m normally at home when he’s playing golf anyway! I usually do the school runs, or if he has to it’s because I’m sleeping after a night shift anyway so the car is at home!
I know some people might say it’s maybe a sense of freedom to have his own car to go when he wants, but he doesn’t go anywhere! And he’s trying to get me to sell my car (family car), anyway! My car does have its issues, nothing too serious, but enough for us to want a newer car in a couple of years, the latest. But he tries to say his car is better than mine. Mine is an 12 plate, so a lot newer than his, has less milage, is a big car so perfect for us, whereas his is small, the boot doesn’t open, the doors don’t lock, and so on!

Please someone tell me I’m not insane for wanting to get rid of the Golf and save £40 a month, ok it’s not much, but that doesn’t count for MOT and service cost, or tyres or anything, so this adds hundreds on to what we would save.
Oh, and I have told him if he wants to keep it he could take it off the road and take the tax off, but we have no space for it in the new house so he’d have to park it at his parents who have a 3 car garage, but they like to hoard stuff. But he always mentions this car business in front of his parents, to which they tell him to out his foot down, and it just angers me so much!! What would you do? And should I just accept the unnecessary expense of a second unnecessary car?

OP posts:
bamboocat · 01/09/2021 20:28

Why not just insure it 3rd party, fire and theft then? That should work out a lot cheaper, and you would both retain your no claims bonus (assuming that each of you are insured as main driver on your car with the other as named driver).

BillMasen · 01/09/2021 20:53

I’d always want my own car, even if it wasn’t used that frequently

It represents the freedom to go if you need to, the security that you always can. I wouldn’t give that up if I didn’t absolutely have to and for me the cost of keeping that independence would be worth it

trappistkepler · 01/09/2021 21:48

ah really leave him alone and let him keep his car. It matters to him, why is it bothering you that much? You seem too intense and angry about it. MOTs can be done on mileage count rather than yearly. If he is not driving it much, how often will the tyres need replacing?

Aquamarine1029 · 01/09/2021 21:52

he’d have to park it at his parents who have a 3 car garage, but they like to hoard stuff.

This could be part of the problem. Quite often the apple doesn't fall far from the hoarders tree.

ImInStealthMode · 01/09/2021 21:54

Are you or your DC going without food or heat for want of the £40 a month? If yes then you're being reasonable but otherwise you sound irrationally enraged about it to be honest.

I worked from home all of last year and it didn't occur to me to get rid of my car, despite DP also having one. Is there some deeper issue with this car in particular that's bothering you?

Bluntness100 · 01/09/2021 21:54

Do you have financial issues? Is that why you’re both arguing about the other getting rid of their car.

I’d not want to be without mine. So I’m with him.

GoldenBlue · 01/09/2021 21:54

I'd hate not having the freedom of a car, even if I barely used it. I sympathise with him. Perhaps he is trying to encourage you to sell your car to emphasise how it would feel to him? If you can afford it and it matters to him then keep it

Bluntness100 · 01/09/2021 21:55

@Aquamarine1029

he’d have to park it at his parents who have a 3 car garage, but they like to hoard stuff.

This could be part of the problem. Quite often the apple doesn't fall far from the hoarders tree.

It’s a bit much to suggest someone having their own car is a hoarder. Christ no ones gone many places due to Covid, we aren’t all hoarders as we have cars,,
Aquamarine1029 · 01/09/2021 21:56

we aren’t all hoarders as we have cars

I never said "we" were. Confused

Miniroofbox · 01/09/2021 21:56

I wouldn’t want to give up my car for the sake of £40 a month.

HeadNorth · 01/09/2021 21:57

I can understand why your DH wants to keep his own car. This is not a hill I would die on in a marriage - he is an adult & can choose to have a car.

ZenNudist · 01/09/2021 21:59

I'd keep the car. £40 is nothing for the freedom to go where youneed to. Soon get eaten up by taxi fare or train fare if he needed to go somewhere

DoctorManhattan · 01/09/2021 22:08

£40 a month to keep a car on the driveway is not really over the top is it, it’s not like he’s suffering a mid life crisis and parked a Porsche out there which he never drives. Many people piss away twice that amount on an average night out.

The car represents independence and the potential for him to get around freely, even if he chooses not to use it often. I wouldn’t give mine up either. And if he does as little mileage as you say he does, then the cost of maintenance, tyres etc is going to be very minimal surely?

Unless the £40 is absolutely critical and affecting your ability to feed your family or keep a roof over your head, I think you’re being somewhat irrational. Let him keep his car.

Bluntness100 · 02/09/2021 06:04

The thing is they are telling each other to get rid of their cars. So clearly more behind this, neither of them wishes to get rid of their car but both of them are telling the other to get rid of theirs.

Op I really think you and your husband should accept yoire going to keep your cars and find other ways to make cost savings.

PepsiHoover · 02/09/2021 06:08

Has he turned the engine over lately? I'm surprised the battery still has any life in it.

Why don't you start taking it out for a change?

SukonthaM · 02/09/2021 06:14

For the sake of £10 a week I’d be keeping the car. My oh pisses £20 a week up the wall on the lottery. I don’t say anything because he’s a grown man with his own money, and we’re not so hard off it makes a difference to our lives. Stop telling your oh what to do

icedcoffees · 02/09/2021 06:16

It's his car! If he wants to spend £40 a month out of his wages on it, surely that's entirely up to him.

I wouldn't give up my car for £40 a month.

Whinginadeville · 02/09/2021 07:31

My dh got rid of his car about 3 years ago after we kept a tally of all costs and worked out we could actually spend 25 to £30 a week on taxies instead should we need a second vehicle. But neither of us think of our remaining car as 'ours' its ours so neither has a greater claim barring work or children. It works great and I'm now realising it's saved us £3,000 already so it's not a bad idea. However your post drips with his, mine, hoarder, parents getting their oar in, I think you should examine both your attitudes and motives as I'm not sure they are just financial.

P1ainJanine · 02/09/2021 14:56

if the doors don't lock, spending money on anything but the most basic insurance is probably a waste. If it's hardly doing any mileage, you could probably get a limited mileage policy and save some money that way?

If you really feel strongly that you should only have one car, get rid of yours and use his till it breaks down or is stolen?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 02/09/2021 15:01

I don't drive often. I've driven 6000 miles in my car and I've had it since mid 2018.

Absolutely no way I'd sell it. It costs me around £70 a month for tax, insurance, warranty and fuel.

I'd feel stranded if I did. I'd also tell whoever wanted me to sell it that they were welcome to sell theirs.

daytriptovulcan · 02/09/2021 15:10

If it means so much to him and you can afford it why not let him keep it. On the other hand if you've a lot of expenses and you ve already cut back elsewhere, then he should be a bit more pragmatic and sell it.

BillMasen · 02/09/2021 16:01

“ it’s not like he’s suffering a mid life crisis and parked a Porsche out there which he never drives”

Blush
PlanDeRaccordement · 02/09/2021 16:06

It’s only £40 a month to keep the car that’s the price of what, one takeaway dinner? I am sure he works enough and earns enough to be able to decide to spend £40/mo on a second car for himself to use if necessary. I think you are making a big deal out of a small matter.

Imnotmartin · 02/09/2021 16:23

@trappistkepler

ah really leave him alone and let him keep his car. It matters to him, why is it bothering you that much? You seem too intense and angry about it. MOTs can be done on mileage count rather than yearly. If he is not driving it much, how often will the tyres need replacing?
Can you expand on this??
WTF99 · 03/09/2021 00:34

I would be very unhappy not to have my own car. It's part of being an independent adult. Your arguments wouldn't work for me.
He wants to keep his car.....just get over it ffs!