She has turned on me and my daughter

[Zambarau]

I have a close relative (cousin) who I grew up with and we were very close until I announced my pregnancy three years ago. She is 9 years older, child free by choice and about to be married. I haven't been invited to the ceremony, just the after party. The rest of my family have been invited to the ceremony. She has been extremely cold since I had my child and takes no interest at all in us. Something about me being a mother has triggered her deciding to turn on me, on us. Has this happened to anyone else? I'm extremely hurt and would like to stop feeling so rejected. Our relationship is irreperable and I remain civil when called upon. I'm just so hurt and would like to move on from the pain of us being treated so unnecessarily unkindly. Any thoughts and advice? Thank you.

Do you know for certain she's child-free by choice and not circumstance? Could she be jealous?

It's a possibility, I suppose. She always said she was happy not to have children. And has had terminations because she didn't want children. She said in the past they were too much hard work.

Don’t go to the reception I’d go nc.

I wouldn't want anything to do with her. You shouldn't have to be guessing why she's acting like that towards you.

I had a similar experience, she kept being really negative about my pregnancy to the point of implying I was going to suffer a loss, but really it was because she had had one a few years back and it pained her to see someone pregnant. No excuse for bad behaviour but it does happen.

@yummymummy2020 Did you resolve the issue?

I don't think I would be attending the reception. Just send a thank you for the invite regrettably i can't attend.

Decline and steer clear of her. You don't need that shite in your life.

People with children can become very dull to people without. You've probably just grown apart because your lives are now so different. I wouldn't take it personally

I wouldn't go to the wedding, why would you want to when someone's treating you badly

We had a married couple friend who had an accidental pregnancy which ended up being ectopic. My friend went from shock, to acceptance to grieving. Her DH did not want a child and she kept telling him she agreed - but it really wasn't true.

We drifted when I had my babies as I was a reminder of what she had wanted. A real shame as I adored this friend. She was not mean, she just left my life. So sad.

I'm so sad. She's been a big part of my entire life. I love/loved her very much. I never thought she'd turn on me. I keep hoping I'll get the old relationship back and she'll be back to her old self.

You’ll never get it back. It’s gone too far. She could have been the best auntie in the world but she chose not to. You can’t get those years back. Time to step away. Don’t go to the wedding. Don’t put yourself through anymore pain.

It's understandable you are upset at what's happened given the circumstances, but your relationship will never be how it was. Why would you want to pretend this never happened and just carry on as you were, especially as she has upset you. The cold shoulder treatment and only inviting you to her wedding reception when your whole family will be attending the ceremony.
I get that the dynamics of your relationship would have changed when you had your child. You probably wouldn't have seen as much of each other, you probably can't go on last minute nights out/ meet up as freely etc but you don't actively be mean to a relative you were once close with, seemingly for no good reason.

I doubt very much she is childfree, more like childless, as in no choice, but that is the cover up story. A couple who were friends with us, (he is a childhood friend of my husband) couldnt have kids, we had troubles but solved them way down the line. When that happened they completely disappeared. Never available for anything and just faded out. That is how it is and we have to accept it. Your case is more painful as there was a special link that she has chosen to sever. Mourn the relationship you had and just move on, no contact or low contact, and I wouldnt go to the reception either.

Have you asked her why you're not as close as you used to be and told her that you miss her? There could have been some misunderstanding or any number of reasons, but unless you have that conversation you will never know.

Decline the invitation, she's sending you a clear message, draw a line in the sand that you're not putting up with that treatment.
If the invitation is a can / can't attend type just send it back as can't attend, no need for an explanation.

My first thought reading your post is surely that she didn't invite you to the reception because she doesn't want children that potentially acting up? Seems in keeping with her general views on kids...

If it's got to this point, you kind of have nothing to lose.

I would ask the question. Calmly and quietly and by no means begging to be included, just the question head on, but face to face it possible - I'm hurt that I'm the only member of the family to have been excluded and I don't understand why. Why haven't you invited me?

TThen see what she ssays.

I wouldn’t go. I’d stop seeing her unless absolutely necessary.

People might be right that’s she’s childless instead of childfree but I’ve got a friend who’s definitely just anti pregnancy and baby, she thinks the whole thing is disgusting and while she’s okay once children are older she’s been off with all of the people in our group who got pregnant. She knew about the nightmare we had getting DD and still managed to be shitty when she found out I was pregnant. It’s just what she’s like.

A friend of mine is like this. He's never married, always been vehemently against children.

I last saw him when I was 7 months pregnant with a v noticeable bump. He didn't mention it at all (it wasn't a shock, my mother is in regular touch with him and had told him). He's never mentioned my daughter since.

I know being a bloke it might seem less of an issue but not to mention it or her at all is just rude.

She might be childless and she might hate children. I’ve also some people like to categorise you and don’t like it when you come out of that category. Like people who dump you because you’re not single anymore.
We were good friends with a couple. I got pregnant around the time their first was born, as soon as DD arrived. They dumped us. I think they liked being the only ones with a child.
She might have assumed you were also not going to have children like her and would have a relationship based on that.

@Zambarau honestly no, and I don’t really see her ever now and am content without her to be honest. There were more issues than just this though but I don’t think she would ever have been happy or accepted I have children anyway irrespective of if I hid them away as such (which nobody should need to do really!)