Dating Apps - how specific should you be?

[CheshireCat2021]

I'm new to OLD. I have a strong attraction to a specific look. Hair / eye colour, size etc.
Is it unwise to put what I'm most attracted to in my profile or better to be more open and then only swipe on those that match my preference. I don't what to give anyone false hope. Or am I being hugely naive and many online swipe Like on everything with no realistic expectations.

You can always review and change your preferences later.

I did online dating once. I started out compiling the profile of my 'ideal man'. In the end, the only filter I had was that he lived a max of 50 miles away. Still didn't meet anyone

I personally hate the apps now too many nutters and like you said most swipes go nowhere

but in general I'd say not to specify as those who "fit those requirements" won't swipe unless they're attracted to you, and you'll get loads of nutters either ignoring your request or trying to argue with you.

Just be non-specific and filter as necessary.

I guess if you also show you yourself are "compatible with that lifestyle" (ie if you want someone outdoorsy or professionally minded or who goes to the gym you could highlight that on your profile?).

Though most men (assume you're a woman) just go by looks in my opinion.

I think with online dating you should try and be open to different types of people. Obviously if you don't find them attractive or don't like them for whatever reason, then don't meet them but maybe just get to know them by chatting a bit before meeting. I got talking to some nice people who wouldn't be my usual type and I ended up meeting my husband on there, who probably is my type, but I gained confidence from talking to different types of men and it made me think about what I did and didn't want in a partner without it all being based on looks. I think being too specific can put people off too, especially if you're listing the things you don't want in a partner, it can make you look negative.

All I would say is, don't "like" or "match" people unless you think there's a reasonable chance you'll be interested in them. I don't mean that you have to commit to meeting them or anything, obviously if you swipe right on a man who turns out to be a bit of a nobber when you chat, then you unmatch him and move on. But don't do that thing of swiping right indiscriminately and then filtering out the ones you like out of your matches, as I've been on the receiving end of that treatment and it's really demoralising!

I’m a man and have OLDd on many occasions over the years.
I don’t think it pays to be too prescriptive (whether it’s the man’s height, location, age, kids/no kids/job type) because there is really no sweet shop out there and the pond is not really all that big, and you just never know who you might find attractive.
On the other hand, don’t be too wide-ranging because you just sound bland.
I like to see personality shine through -a feature you might think of as negative might be attractive. I’ve seen profiles warning men that they have red hair (I love it!), that they’re large (a positive for many men), or they they have 6 cats (yes please!), lives on a canal boat (you’re interesting).

You might have a "type" but have you honestly never felt attracted to someone who isn't like that?

That might be who you have found attractive in the main before, but if there is really only one sort of person you are interested in I would gently suggest that you might need to broaden your horizons

The perfect man in my head is dark, heavy set and beardy. But can blond, athletic and clean shaven men be attractive too? Absobloodylutely. It's about so much more than a profile pic but saying you only fancy one type on your profile could make you sound like a diva perhaps.

It’s interesting you have such a type - so specific. Sort of narrows the field considerably as to the type of person you could have a connection with. What about characteristics that are not physical? Attraction physically is obviously important to most people but sexiness and an attractive person overall is often about way more than eye colour etc surely?

Don’t be too prescriptive, you’re giving your cards away. Only swipe for the ones you are attracted to and filter it that way.

Otherwise you are giving a cheat sheet to your blonde blue eyed Nordic god or tall, dark handsome stranger that you fancy them hugely already, should you say in your profile ‘I am attracted to x y z’. This may lead to them acting arrogant, believing they ‘have it in the bag’ so to speak.

It’s nothing to do with sounding ‘demanding’, god forbid you have a type(!) - a bit of mystery and a good guard up is extremely important with OLD..

I wouldn't mention anything about specific looks that you require to date someone, just makes you sound vain which could even put off people that do match your specifics. Just swipe on the ones you like and ignore the others.

But yes as PP have said- do not swipe right for anyone unless you find them physically attractive, or their personality is good that it leaps off the page.

But even then, there are boundaries. You may love a 5’3 guy’s profile- but if you know in your heart that it is important for you for a man to be taller, do not swipe for him. He’ll be wasting time messaging you when he could be asking someone on a date who doesn’t mind at all!

It's fine to have a certain type but if it's all physical/looks-based why do you need to put it in your profile? You'll be sitting through them based on their photos so you can make that call yourself?!

E.g. you like men with blonde hair, only swipe right for men with blonde hair

What would you gain by stating this in your profile?

Personally if I read a man listing exactly what he was looking for in terms of looks, it would make me think he was shallow and would 100% put me off, even if I was a complete match for his 'criteria'

I've seen guys putting they're looking for size 8-10, athletic types and i thought it was shocking. Also seen men say they're looking for curvy. Equally as off putting to me even if do meet either description

I'd think these guys were all creeps so why should women be able to do it?

Give anyone false hope?

You rate yourself dont you 🙈

Most men don't read the profiles on OLD and of those that do, many like to message you and tell you you're unreasonable. I wouldn't put this on my profile personally

You're actually at risk of putting guys that meet your criteria off of your profile is so shallow.

I'm 5ft 2 and size 8.....was swiping on tinder and seen a guy saying he was looking for a petite girl who was a size 10 max.

Rather than me thinking "ooh I'm his type, lucky me", I thought "what an absolute shallow judgemental prick, imagine being with someone so obsessed with looks. what about when looks fade, people put on weight etc, would he just dump me?"

So as a result of his profile wording I swiped left on someone I would otherwise have swiped right for....

Don't write your looks preference in the bio you could potentially put a lot off, even if they are your type they would probably think your standards are too high and wouldn't be interested in them, If I came across a mans bio that stated his ideal looking woman, even if I did fit it I would not match him.
Just keep it basic and positive. You can just swipe on the ones you do like.

Thank you for the useful feedback. I'll try and broaden my horizons and hopefully someone different might surprise me. Don't want to limit the size of the pond I'm fishing in.

Honestly if someone described their type in their profile I’d find it quite questionable… I have a type, my DP who I adore and think is the most beautiful man on the planet is not it! Love is blind and all that

I’ve seen some really horrible profiles from men that want a certain type, saw one bloke list his preference of ethnicity from highest to lowest.

make it as open as possible I would say, if I read a BIO that said man must have X, Y, Z physical attributes that would probably be a No even if a fitted them.
Maybe add things you don’t want,e.g, no smokers etc,
I did read one profile that stated NO CROSSDRESSERS (in all caps), I thought that was interesting, I did wonder what experiences she had experienced.