He is my first partner and I feel very attached to him. We've been together for close to 5 years. Our relationship is pretty rocky at times because we are so different and in many ways not compatible. Yet I can't imagine not spending my life with him, seeing him (happy) every day makes me genuinely happy and often is enough to discard ad forget about the bad stuff.
But I was thinking about it the other day, that if I were single now, I'd know pretty well what I would and wouldn't want in another partner. And many (if not all) things I don't want and objectively make me miserable is what my current partner is, what I long for in a relationship we don't have. I've tried to bring it up on multiple occasions but we just can't seem to work it out. It's like really wanting to share a peanut butter sandwich but one person turns out to be allergic to peanut butter and also decide they dislikes bread altogether. We try to compromise but we're on such opposite sides that we simply cannot seem to come to a place where we're both happy and get what we want/need.
It's a harsh realization that makes me feel incredibly guilty, but I think maybe subconsciously I'm just dying of loneliness, despite my seemingly never ending love for him and his love for me.
I don't know why I love him so deeply; it could be hormonal, it could be psychological - I do have codependant tendencies and general fear of abandonment, low self esteem etc. But then I am not perfect either and he accepts me fully, he is content. Why can't I be content? Should I not accept him too and not expect him to be x,y & z for me? Isn't that what being with someone is, accepting them for who they are?
Is this a sign something is seriously wrong, with me, with us? 