I'm not really sure how to start this, I apologise it may be long as it's years worth of feelings and emotions and I want to try and include everything.
My DH and I have been through a rocky few years but I've now just given up on him.
It all started after DC1 was born, when he was 4 months old I found messages on DH phone to another woman (an old friend of his from school, I've met her, she came to our wedding etc). They weren't overly suspicious that something was going on but he was messaging her a lot.
Bit of a back story - She had twins the same time as DS was born, father didn't stick around. She had previously been in a relationship with DH best friend and then DH brother. I was always a bit suspicious something went on, but DH swares there was nothing.
Anyway, I let it go but asked him not to message her so often (every minute of the day!) as he was barely interacting with me and LO, and he agreed. All was well (or so I thought) until I noticed he had reverted back to messaging, but this time it was getting more than just friends.
It absolutely broke my heart and whilst I struggled through PND and caring for a baby he was pretty much made it clear I was the one making him suffer by the way I was that's why he was talking to her.
I wasn't the easiest person to be around and know I said some hurtful things but it was mainly out of frustration.
We had lengthy chats about the way forward and after some time agreed to work through it together.
As time went on we did become ourselves again and started to get back on track, but I never really forgave him for what he did and to this day don't know if anything more than messages went on.
Since then we have had DS2 and DH sought some help for mental health (this is a whole other topic but also relivent), and is awaiting diagnosis for a couple of things
I have tried to be supportive of him and help him through things but he is making it difficult. He is getting nasty and shouting, he cannot cope with the children at times (it is a challenge as DS2 has a few health issues and DS1 is trying to push the boundaries). But I have told him time and time again that he needs to find ways to deal and cope with things.
I feel as though I have 3 children, he is forgetful of everything, he gets frustrated easily, blames me for everything when things don't go right, and is just generally a dickhead!)
He will go through spells of being OK and managing well but then just reverts back to letting everything get on top of him.
The other day I found him staring at the damn cooker at the lunch cooking, it took him 1 and a half hrs to cook bacon! I kid you not. By that point I'd just fed DC and gone for a walk to get out. I had to call my parents the other night to be on standby to watch the kids as I actually thought he'd had a brakedown.
I'm just done with him finding excuses, not owning up to things and just being a complete tit to me all the time. I'm desperately trying to be supportive but there is only so much more I can do, I've tried talking, helping, offering advice, taking all the stresses of finance for both of us.
I do love him and we do have good times amongst the bad but they are very few at the moment.
I don't know what to do and just wanted to write it down and hopefully get some advice.
Sorry if I sound like I whinging, I know others have it far more difficult than myself.