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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I ready for a relationship?

2 replies

tonks8 · 02/12/2007 20:56

I split with my kid's dad 3 years ago and rushed into another disastrous relationship months after wards. Anyway, I split with him around a year ago and have spent the time on my own working out what I wasnt from my future.

I still crave that "special someone" however. I see families together, couples hand in hand and I've never had that. All I've ever had are child-men who think about themselves only or miserable gits that did whatever they could to spend as little time with me as possible.

Therefore I promised myself that I would never settle for second best anymore, I've spent time on my own, getting to know and respect myself and now I feel like I'm at a point where I'm ready for a new relationship.

So I join up on some dating sites (never go anywhere to meet anyone naturally) and I get talking to people but as soon as they mention meeting up I freeze and make excuses. I feel maybe I'm too fat, too ugly...when they see me they will run a mile then I'll be hurt...

I mean, who would want a single parent on benefits living in a council house? so I think maybe I should wait until I'm working, in private housing and slimmer? but then surely if a person liked me it wouldn't be because of what house I lived in?

I'm just so confused right now. I know the person I want to be and I'm taking steps to get there but should I wait until I'm completely there before trying to find a new relationship or shouldn't it matter?

OP posts:
joselyne · 02/12/2007 21:06

There's nothing stopping you now from meeting the right someone. When I was a lone parent on benefits and living in a council flat I thought exactly the same as you.

Now I'm married again to a wonderful man who fell in love with me. He didn't see me as that person who I had labelled the single parent, on benefits etc.

If you meet the right person he will want to be with you and won't care about anything else.

duvetheaven · 02/12/2007 21:23

Hi tonks8
There is never a right time! Just go for it!! You are a great person - you just need to know that ! You have beliefs such as 'Why would someone want a single parent ..?'. If they don't love you for you, then let them go!!
I always used to go on dates even if I didn't think it would be a match - I thought , well, I might have a good story to tell my friends!! Enjoy the journey!
Better to be on your own than be with someone for the sake of it!!

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