No Trust in Relationship

[Tilly3030]

Hello,

I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and a half and, until a few months ago have never really had any issues. My boyfriend has trust issues due to past relationships and does occasionally question/accuse me of messaging other guys/getting tinder (both of which I have never done) but I try to reassure him and show him that he can trust me.

He broke up with his ex because she created a secret Instagram account and was chatting to other guys. This meant that I was even more shocked when I came across (whilst ordering pizza off his phone) a secret Instagram account used to follow a girl who posted 'basically' nude photos. As someone with an eating disorder this hit me really hard, enforcing my insecurities that I had about myself and destroying any trust I had for him. I have no issues with him watching 'stuff' online, its just the singular focus on this one girl really threw me off.

I confronted him and almost broke up with him due to this. He was massively apologetic and promised never to do it again so we stayed together on the premise that he would work hard to earn my trust back.
I don't believe that he has ever physically cheated on me (we have lived together through out lockdown) and I don't think he has messaged any girls either but the idea of him looking at certain girls in specific makes me feel physically sick. Whenever we go into town I spend the whole time paranoid on the verge of a panic attack thinking that he is looking at girls as we walk past.

Whilst he has done everything to help me trust him, I just cant. I don't think I can break up with him because I do love him and he is my best friend but I cant continue feeling like this either. I have spoken to him about this and he says he understands and will do anything in his power to fix this.

I think that my eating disorder/distorted body image makes the situation worse than it actually is. I desperately want to trust him again but just cant, even three months after it happened.

How do I trust him again?/Should I trust him again?/Will I trust him again?

Thank you x

Sorry but he projected his own assholeness onto you. He knew he was a pig and so he projected it to make it seem like he was just doing it because You must be up to something.

Sorry but I don't think the relationship will end well.

Fair enough you love him but love comes and goes, even if you dumped him... You'll love another, you may love and hurt many times before ever finding someone who won't treat you like shit but it's worth it.

As long as you always respect yourself and demand respect from others you will find a man that deserves you.

I would never allow a man to treat me like shit because there are plenty of them out there and plenty I could love if given a chance. Would rather let loose every man that wants to disrespect me.

As for the trust, I could forgive but I could never forget. Every moment they are on the phone you will wonder what they are looking at and it'll quickly turn toxic.

@Eviethyme I have definitely found that its turning toxic, I guess its just taken a while for me to accept that the relationship is coming to an end. He definitely projects his own insecurities onto me and I always put up with it and reassured him but I am sick of constantly feeling like I am giving but getting nothing back (I reassure him and all I get is accusations)

Thank you anyways x

I don't believe that he has ever physically cheated on me

Please don't get caught out thinking that him putting his penis/tongue inside someone is a magic line in the sand. It isn't. It is an important technicality.
There are many many ways of being disloyal without shagging someone.

• it is an UNIMPORTANT technicality!

@spotcheck Yeah I totally get this. I think I mean it in a sense that I believe that I can try to forgive/work past what he has done but I personally could never forgive physical cheating. I in no way think that what he did was acceptable.

You know what though, it wouldn't even be the looking at woman's nudes that would annoy me. It would be that he set up a secret account to do it which means he knew it was wrong, he had a cheating mentality.

Well if you’re feeling like this now at 1.5 years, then it’s not going to miraculously get better. This is meant to be the honeymoon stage. Your relationship shouldn’t be this hard, especially this early on.

It’s making you miserable so leave and find someone better. Life is too short.

@spotcheck I totally agree with that- personally I found that someone having an emotional affair over quite a period to me felt more hurtful than a one night stand when pissed. Same goes for anyone sexting/signing up to dating sites/webcam watching and other such sleaze— there always seems to be a focus on ‘physical’ cheating— I think non physical can be incredibly hurtful