Mum struggles and DH

[Lemonsandlemonade]

Right I have a lovely nearly three month baby.

Last few nights he has been crap at going to sleep after being really really good.

I am tired and a bit snappy but DH thinks I have it easy as I am at home all day with DS.

Take today though I had been up at 12-2 then 4-6 6:30 7:30 then 8:15 am with DS. We played and did things all morning he fell asleep around 12 for an hour but was on me. DH is in spare room as lack of sleep he is a nightmare. This works for family dynamic.

We played more then at 4pm DH took ds in car ( he would never take him for a walk) for me to have a break. He was back by 5/30. I had done tea in that time. Ds has gone to sleep finally.

So aside from 1 hour and a half I have been with ds all day.

I took him out at 7:30’for over an hour to settle him as nothing else was working ( this is rare)

I love my husband but am fed up. I know I’m facilitating some of this by not making DH do it. We are arguing and DH can say things in heat of moment but this has knocked my confidence.

I dunno how to get DH to value me and all I do I know I shouldn’t have to.

When DH does spend time with us as a family he is great attentive full of fun.

Sorry for the ramble

That's awful.

Not to be smug but just to show what a decent man does... DH told me after I went back to work that he could tell what kind of day I'd had based on the state of the place. Lovely, clean and dinner ready = good day. Crap hole and no dinner = bad day. On a bad day he would grab DD, order dinner and clean up. Good day, just grab DD and carry in normally.

'Other women' aren't some group of Stepford wives he gets to beat you with.

@MrsTerryPratchett I know it is and to be honest that was what my dad was like which is what makes me so sad.

Am at a low ebb anyway as DS isn’t putting on the weight he should so feel like I’m failing him.

The only thing that worked with dh was to let him experience the reality.

If your ds goes 3 hours between feeds, then ask your DH to step up for the weekend. Ask him to deal with baby all day AND do the cooking and cleaning. Be available only for a feed.
I’d also go out for a couple of hours between feeds (that removes the temptation on. both sides for you to step in).
Let him do the night too.

THEN see how he feels at the end of the weekend.

Thank you all for your kind words and advice my husband has said sorry and really really meant it.

We have work to do as a couple but he knows he has been a complete idiot.

That's good news. Make sure he keeps to it now. Remind him your DC is your joint responsibility, and that women don't have some inbuilt machine that means that it's easier for us to look after babies.

You're looking after your DC all day. He's at work all day. You are both entitled to the same amount of down time / time for hobbies and nights out with friends etc.

And I agree with pp - you could both get one lay in at the week end.

Is he taking parental leave? If not, he should - maybe the last 3 months and you go back to work? He needs to experience being in your position for a prolonged period of time.

If he's coming out with rubbish like this now, he needs a strong dose of reality. And that way whatever he expects of you now, you can remind him that you'll expect exactly the same of him when it's his turn...