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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He is jealous

19 replies

Zig27 · 31/08/2021 13:39

I know a man through my social circle. He likes me but doesn’t want a relationship right now as he has issues. I know that sounds an excuse but I won’t take on someone who is in a bad place as that’s up to them to sort out.

What really annoys me is when we are out in our social circle if I talk to other guys he gets jealous and will give me the cold shoulder or mock what I say. I’m annoyed as he has no right to try and control who I talk to. Why is he getting jealous when he doesn’t want the relationship? Why should I wait around when there are other men asking me out on dates.

I feel I deserve a lot better and his behaviour is signs of how abusive he could be in a relationship.

I don’t know if I should call him out on his behaviour or just flirt with men regardless if it annoys him.

OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 31/08/2021 13:47

Have you posted about him before?

Would you benefit from finding some less complicated friends?

Marineboy67 · 31/08/2021 13:48

Sounds like he doesn't really want you but doesn't want anyone else to either. Sounds like a right twat to me, he's got no rights over you and if he continues to behave like a idiot then cut him off completely.

Justcallmebebes · 31/08/2021 13:49

I don't understand why you're giving this head space. He's not interested in a relationship so just move on and ignore him or better still, find a new group of friends

Zig27 · 31/08/2021 13:49

@CorrBlimeyGG

Have you posted about him before?

Would you benefit from finding some less complicated friends?

No, this is someone else. I cannot stand controlling men. I feel if I leave the social circle he will have won and know he has control.
OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 31/08/2021 13:51

Your social circle is apparently full of these people. What do you gain from these friendships?

Greystray · 31/08/2021 13:53

Why are you waiting around, for a man who mocks and belittles you? Get out of the mindset of thinking this means he likes you. If he liked you he wouldn't make it his goal to humiliate you.

Let him "win". Get away from him. Make some nicer friends.

Hekatestorch · 31/08/2021 13:53

You need to stop caring about if he gives you the cold shoulder.

Or if he thinks he has won. But caring and making decisions (like wether to stay on this social circle) is giving him head space and playing his game.

Zig27 · 31/08/2021 13:54

@CorrBlimeyGG

Your social circle is apparently full of these people. What do you gain from these friendships?
I have known my friends a long time but it’s not doing me any good being around these people.
OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 31/08/2021 13:58

Then it's time to move on and find new friends. Constant dramas are not healthy.

5128gap · 31/08/2021 14:15

Ignore him. You're not in a relationship with him, he's nothing to you. If he gives you the cold shoulder all the better as you won't have to be sociable to him. If he mocks you, tell him directly to stop as it's very rude. Whether he does it out of jealousy or not is irrelevant.

5128gap · 31/08/2021 14:20

And as for why he doesn't like it when you talk to other men but doesn't want a relationship, its because even though he doesn't want you, he wants you to want him. He likes the attention.

Buggritbuggrit · 31/08/2021 15:22

OP, I remember your previous posts and you seem to know a truly incredible number of exceptionally unpleasant people and be perpetually stumped as to how to deal with them.

SStopRaisingHim · 31/08/2021 15:26

Why should I wait around when there are other men asking me out on dates. Don’t

I feel I deserve a lot better and his behaviour is signs of how abusive he could be in a relationship. Exactly.

I don’t know if I should call him out on his behaviour or just flirt with men regardless if it annoys him. Honestly, you need to stop caring what this weirdo says\thinks and live YOUR life.

Pinkbonbon · 31/08/2021 15:34

Its not jealousy, its control.

In his own head, he could have you if ge wanted, therefore you are his.

Stop hanging out with him.

Honestly sounds like he is setting himself up as mister brooding and mysterious in the Hope's you'll shag him even though he doesn't even want commitment.

Either way, you are right, he would be exactly the same in a relationship. A dickhead.

SparklingLime · 31/08/2021 15:45

In his own head, he could have you if ge wanted, therefore you are his.

This rings very true. Urgh!

EmeraldShamrock · 31/08/2021 15:47

So far he has commitment issues, trust issues, sulking issues, jealous and obnoxious behaviour.
He sounds like a nightmare.

thecatsarecrazy · 31/08/2021 16:07

Tell him to fuck off.
I met someone who basically can do whatever he wants, talk to other women, tell them they have amazing tits ... And if I get upset that's my problem... But if I go out for a drink or don't text him back then he wants to know who I'm with and what I'm doing. .
None of his business! He tells other women he's single so nothing to do with him. Don't let this idiot get to you either!

frozendaisy · 31/08/2021 18:20

Omg imagine how bad he would be as a partner?

God you are so lucky he showed you this side before you were an item.

Go on all the other dates you like and leave this one behind he clearly can't keep up (not that you would want him to).

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 31/08/2021 18:21

Tell him to wind his neck in and for god's sake don't ever enter into a relationship with him. He would be a controlling nightmare.

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