He wants a second chance to be a family

[Bakingmad001]

Hi MN,
I have a beautiful 2 week newborn baby so hormones are everywhere and I’m adjusting to being a mum.
I met the father a year ago when I was in a bad place, I had just came out of a long term relationship and had family problems. He love bombed me and portrayed himself to be a stable, honest man with a young DS. He dumped me after a few months claiming he missed his ex and the family unit.
This left me in a even worse place then a few weeks later, he claimed he missed me and we got back in touch and began to date again. I fell pregnant while on the pill and I was terrified, we discussed all options and he promised to take care of me. We moved in together and it went from bad to worse. He had hidden severe debts and a heavy cannabis habit from me. Financially there was no way he could ever look after me and baby. We argued a ton and he threatened to dump me countless times and I eventually moved out into my parents.
My self esteem was low, we continued to be together while living apart but he was hot and cold, one day he’d love me, the next he hated me. He gave me no emotional support throughout the pregnancy and told me I was too full on for him, he couldn’t handle it. I accepted we were never going to be a family, I prepped for baby alone. He insisted he should be at the birth and I let him. He was amazing, supportive, ran around for me. I moved into my own apartment and he moved all my things, couldn’t do enough for me. Since baby has been born, he has been begging me for another chance to be together and be a family. He is making me feel incredibly guilty for saying no to him. I cry everyday and my very close friend has told me to never get back with him and just co parent. I’m looking after baby alone and it’s hard, he said he wants to spend time with baby but it’s upsetting him too much not being together anymore. He has apologised for how he treated me and said he is trying to make up for it and will change. My friend believes he wants to move in with me for a free ride. I feel so sad he’s missing out on these early moments with baby but he put me in this position? He wants to draw a line and start again but how can I? I really don’t know what to do, if anyone can share some advice Thankyou x

What's all the rush to be a family? If he was a decent man (he's not, they dont change) then he'd realise why you're reluctant and he'd prove himself from a distance.

If he can co parent for a year or so without letting you down then maybe you'll consider it but words are cheap.

Once he's in your house it'll be much harder to get him out.

What's happened to the little boy he already has whose life he's been in and out of whilst deciding if he wants to be with you or the other family?

Err no. Of course not!!

He sounds hopeless.

He love bombed me and portrayed himself to be a stable, honest man with a young DS. He dumped me after a few months claiming he missed his ex and the family unit

So he has already played this game with another ex and dumped a previous child? Why do you think you and your DC will be any different? How often are you willing to allow him to pop up and then dump you out of his life? How often will you allow him to do it to your baby and how do you plan to explain to a child where dad has disappeared of to for months at a time when they understand what is going on? Wake up love, put your baby first and tell this loser to do one. You have a good friend, listen to them.

If he wants to be part of a family unit tell him to go back to his ex.