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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice to Help Friends DM in Abusive Marriage

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SingingInTheShithouse · 31/08/2021 10:03

I've seen many of threads on here with great advice to help victims recognise abuse & to move away from abusive relationships & wonder if you could help with links to pass on to our friends whose DF is very emotionally abusive & they've just found out via their aunt that is a victim of physical abuse too. Only last week DF knocked DM off her chair & kicked her in the crotch. They are mid 70s so it's a whole lifetime to unpick

Our friends, DB & Dsis know their dad is emotionally abusive to everyone & they hate him for it, some dreadful stories of things they did to them, such as throw then 16yo DB out of the house for good because he burnt a slice of toast. They tolerate him for DMs sake as they've tried time again to get her to leave him, but there's no getting through to her & they know that he's no doubt broken their DM down so much that she believes it's somehow her fault & she can't cope without him.

They are now scared for her as they are unsure if the physical is new, or escalating & they are desperate to get her to leave him.

I've seen the freedom program mentioned here in the past, is this suitable here? Or is there something more tailored to extracting a broken someone from an almost life long abusive marriage & what help is there with rehousing her. Both her DCs would have her with them to get her away from their DF, but they just don't have spare room, so DM would never accept it as she sees it as imposing too much & id guess she'd want her own space too.

Grateful for any information & links you can share that might help. We were away with our friends when they heard from their aunt & it's awful to see them so worried for their DM & feeling so helpless

Thank you

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