ok, the gloves are now off..................long

[jenk1]

i posted before about me and my dh seperating (see i spoke too soon thread).

well its now been 5 weeks and nothing has changed.
i was given some really good advice and im going to take it, i should have started the legal procedure last week but i have had the flu and have been really unwell.

he still treats me as if im "his".

on thursday night i said to him, come and pick the kids up on saturday, dont call round tomorrow, (he trys to call round every day), on friday afternoon there was a message on my answerphone
"can you make me a doctors appointment, im not well-thanks LOVE"
so i text him and told him there were none available as i had tried to get one and i had a prescription ready for myself.
he phoned me back its ok ive been to the doctors.
an hour later he phones again, "do you want me to pick up your prescription for you"?
i said no thanks
Then at teatime he phones and asks can dd stay over with him as her cousin was there and asking for her so i said yes, so that was 4 different contacts from him.

Saturday morning he comes to pick up ds, (he,s being good with him now) and i said when he took his coat off-i have to go i have an appointment and he said with a menancing look on his face WHAT APPOINTMENT WHERE?
i said i beg your pardon and he gave me a dirty look. - i was getting my nails done.

today he brought the kids back and took his coat off and said dd needs breakfast so i said well you get going ill sort her out and he said no, and he made her breakfast.
he stayed about an hour and a half.

i feel so nervy when he,s here and im stressing about the holiday we have booked.
in jan with all MY family we are going away, ive told him i dont want him to come, its not fair on the kids cos they will think we are getting back together but he said he,s coming.
my mum said dont worry you can sleep in our room but why should i have to?

im making an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow, we are at relate on thursday but tbh its not doing any good as he refuses to accept the way he is.

i know i can do this but im scared.

can you cancel his holiday reservation?

i understand what you mean about feeling nervy

Def agree cancel his place! Also, can you not collect/drop off in a neutral place, and stop him coming to your home - or be waiting outside with the door locked and refuse to unlock it until he's left?

no cos he,s on a seperate booking that he made himself cos he comes out 2 days after us, he couldnt get the full 2 weeks off work or i would cancel it.

Is it a foreign holiday? I'd be tempted to track down his passport and swipe the bugger.

do you have his reservation details? you could email them

yes its a foreign holiday, i am inclined to cancel it altogether cos i fear for my mental health if he comes, but the kids are so looking forward to it and thats all they and their cousins talk about.

i could do lou, but i spent 15 years in the travel business and IIRC its not legal to cancel someones holiday without them knowing.

It's with all your family too? What about not going yourself? That's if you trust your family & him to take good care of the kids. I know it's shit to not have a holiday yourself, but honestly - what kind of hol would you have with him there anyway? and it sends a clear message if you say right, I REFUSE to holiday with you, so I will cancel and you can take the kids on your own if you want to go so badly.

yes that is an option, one i hope not to have to take.

at relate this week im going to tell him that im cancelling the holiday as i refuse to go with him, if he has any sense of decency in him he will say no i will stay at home, then probably go round my family looking for sympathy.

well ive done it, got an appointment to see a solicitor on weds, feeling very nervous and dont know what im going to say.

Write it down beforehand. Have a pen and paper handy from now. Then as bits occur to you, jot them down. Night before, get the thoughts in order.

Good luck. All will be well.

xxx

thanks hekate thats a really good idea.

he is so manipulative, but in subtle ways that i sometimes dont see straightaway.

tonight i had yet another phonecall from a debt collector, so i gave them the address of where he is staying,ive had enough, its enough to cope with 2 kids with ASD on my own without his crap, he buries his head in the sand over everything.

he will never change.

a couple of weeks ago he told me that he and his housemate had been talking about me and that they had decided that i was a lesbian and that i wanted to be with the woman next door who is a good friend of mine.

he even (stupidly) told her but blamed it on his mate, well her husband was not amused and had words with his housemate who blamed it on dh.

thats why dh has been giving dirty looks to my neighbours husband.

he is still trying to control my friends even though we have split up.

He really is a prizewinning tosspot, isn't he?

In fact, here's his award.