I want to leave but don’t know how ?

[Somethingwicked9]

I have been with my partner for four years we have two children together he put a ring on it before I fell pregnant but we never married (thankfully)

I sold my fully paid off house and we bought together but because I was still in process of selling mine he opened a mortgage in his name and once house was sold I put 100k in to pay off some of mortgage he done the same as he had 100k savings (his grandfather Passed away and left him money) that meant we only had 70k left to pay and that’s now down too 50k I spend the rest of the money from house sale doing up the house and when I fell pregnant I used it too pay for stuff I wanted for our baby

This is where it gets sticky as soon as we moved in when started trying for a child and fell pregnant very quick witch was great it was agreed that on his large wage he could support both of us and pay off remainder of the house monthly and I would also get a monthly allowance to spend on food or things needed for house or kids (this sounded great) I though I was so lucky being able to not go back to work after having kids but it’s hell I became sick and been told I won’t be able to work for a number of years witch was ok because I didn’t need to but over the past 10months all we do is fight I do want to get in to how much we fight but it’s every day we really have nothing nice to say to each other I have 0 family after my mum died , so I have no one to ask for help or advice it’s not as simple as me just taken my 100k and leaving as I’m not on Mortgage he would give me my money back but he holds it hostage and of course I don’t have a job and I’m not aloud to work at the moment so have no idea how I’d support myself because I really honestly don’t want a penny from him ideally I’d get my 100k try and find somewhere for me and the kids too stay I’d happily share the custody of the children 50/50 as he’s a wonderful father and they love him so their for I wouldn’t want anymore for them as he would have them half the time anyway he’s really well off and I feel I’m a puppet as I have nothing of my own he uses this to keep me here but I want to leave I don’t want to be with him anymore but I don’t know how if I have no money to hand to leave

Where do I start ?

Hi everyone just an update I have asked for post to be removed due to some people thinking I was being abused , far from it since I posted at 5 this morning I have since spoke to my partner he said he didn’t realised how hard I was finding it he going to stay with his mum and dad until I feel able to tell him exactly what I want and need (was not expecting him to do this though he would except me to leave ) he’s taken the kids out today to give me some space he has also said he will contact his solicitor to see how to remortgage the house to take 130k out to give me ( the price I sold my house for ) I’m a bit speechless because I didn’t think he was going to be so understanding I also so said I should of been put on deeds of house at least he agreed he has offered to get us a Couple counselling he said even if i don’t want to stay with him maybe It will help with co parenting

I’m all a wee bit taken a back with what he’s said he’s nearly finished packing as a type this I think I was so busy making him a villain in my head that I didn’t even bother telling him all this or giving him a chance to give me space

Basically OP you are going to have to do this whilst remaining in same house , which if he is reasonable as you say is doable. Tell him you want to split and need your £100k back to do so and if it isn’t forthcoming you then tell his family if they are as reasonable as you say. It may be the house needs to be sold but live there as housesharers until you have the cash. I think you are getting angry because you know yourself it is going to be very awkward , you can’t just move on without access to cash unless you have family or friends you can move in with and you are relying on his ‘doing right by you’ - I do really feel for you but don’t get angry at others who are trying to make sure that others too don’t find themselves in this position.

Sorry I didn’t see your update OP before I posted. That’s good— it may be you just need some space for a good while to feel more yourself— try and stay friends too

It may be you make great co parents and friends, just rubbish partners — it does happen!!

You posted in Relationships then only talked about money, so it's easy to respond only to that. However this issue is really do you want to stay with him? Would counselling help? Are there specific issues you want opinions on? It's anonymous so you can get opinions.

And you should get more than you £100K back because the house will have increased in value in 4 years. So interest too should be added.

You have been very lucky. Most women on here genuinely have to start with nothing (a room in a refuge with donated clothes) when they leave a relationship where they were unmarried.
Somehow they manage, how old are you OP? I can't believe a woman with children has to come on here and ask how to start again with 130k behind them.....

Yes start off by getting the money in your account. Then think about where you want to live. Either rent somewhere or buy somewhere good value. Think about how you’re going to generate an income- work out whether you are entitled to any benefits (online calculator) and how much maintenance you’ll get from your partner for the kids. Then do a budget and work out if you can manage. Is there no work at all you could do- even online work, or admin etc? If not then I would suggest using some of the capital you get from your house to buy a rental property or get a house where you can rent a room out to a lodger.