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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thinking of leaving my relationship

9 replies

Anon2021Lill · 31/08/2021 00:36

Hi everyone

I think I am pretty sure I want to leave my relationship of 18 months - it was my first relationship after getting divorced and I think this is why I am struggling to let go. I have two teens. he never married despite having several longish-term relationships. Recently I feel he doesn't keep much in touch with me during the week - he takes 12 or more hours to send a reply to a text I've sent and then doesn't even answer it sometimes. Calls are fewer than before although we also used to call more. He is fine on the phone when I call but doesn't seem to pick the phone up himself much. I get that after 18 months you may not text too much - we tend to go for dinner / cook together but when I have made suggestions to do other things he just says no (another reason why I am thinking of knocking it on the head) - things like I don't like cinema, comedy, exhibitions, etc. He is a bit of a drinker too and I turned up on Saturday and could tell he had a few drinks - he had booked dinner for me as a birthday treat but from last year (spa+dinner - I went to the spa and then the plan was to have dinner) - I. nearly walked out but he had made an effort to ring around a few restaurants and find one, bought a vape after me for months saying the smoking was bothering me and was generally attentive (but pissed). Its the highs and lows - fun when we see each other (we have high chemistry which is also another issue - good and bad of course) and then when I leave or dont' see him, he's more inconsistent with contact. He used to make the effort. He also has an ex he is good friends with and is almost sharing her dog with her (her dog, not theirs) - she got it about a year ago and he is totally involved in it - he even went to dog school with her with it and is going for dog walks with her / her friends every Sat morning. I dont' think there is anything going on but he may be a little infatuated with the dog /her. Anyhow, just wanted to put this out there :)

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 31/08/2021 01:10

it look like 'the end'. sorry.Flowers

Addicted2LoveIsland · 31/08/2021 01:18

End it. You know you need to pr you wouldn't be posting on here. The dog is hers she bought it after the finished. Wtf is he going to puppy classes with her for? Get rid

Bogeyes · 31/08/2021 01:57

It's the end!

Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2021 02:17

Come on, op, what on earth are you still doing with this man? The relationship is doomed and you are just wasting time. You should have binned him off ages ago. Raise your standards.

Anon2021Lill · 31/08/2021 07:46

Thanks everyone - have thought the same for a while and been quite confused but I know I deserve better. I don't really know how we got here but I will learn from it for sure. One good thing that I did do in this relationship was communicate more than I ever have and I have learnt to do that and put boundaries up more but yes, the last few weeks he has been working like crazy and shutting me out more and then it started to change - suddenly this regular (not every Sat) dog walk started happening and if I mention it, we just argue. I know I am done - will let you know when I do it ..

OP posts:
Anon2021Lill · 31/08/2021 07:48

ps - he's not all bad - came over last week and helped me with a load of jobs at my place and cooked too - I think the alcohol is the issue too and as we all know, if an addict doesn't want to do anything about it, its pointless.

OP posts:
Fustyoldface · 31/08/2021 09:37

Sorry Op but 18 months in? This isn’t right.

RuthTopp · 31/08/2021 09:43

From your description of the relationship / him it does sound like you have come to the correct conclusion . It happens , and tbh there is no joy in plodding it along.

SimoneSimone · 31/08/2021 11:08

The relationship has run its course

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