I am totally shocked to the core, devastated and really so upset that I feel ill.
My son has had mental health issues which I have tried to help him with but over the last few years have become much worse.
A couple of times his girlfriend has told him she can’t cope and he’s come home for a few days then gone back.
This time however, he got drunk and started to tell me all his problems were because of me, I thought he meant because I had left his father and I knew that had obviously upset him. He said it wasn’t just that but couldn’t tell me what it was as I wouldn’t believe him and would argue, I promised if he told me, I would just listen but didn’t expect the bombshell he dropped.
This is what he told me: years ago, I asked him to come and pick up his one year old baby, as he wasn’t mine, when he arrived I handed the baby over and said that my daughters 3 children were obviously mine but as his girlfriend had had this baby, it wasn’t mine.
He said he took the baby, drove away and cried in his car.
I have absolutely no knowledge of saying this, not even an inkling of a dream, just nothing.
I told him I accepted what he had just told me but all I could think was that I had a breakdown and didn’t realise, as I would never say or think that of his child.
When I asked when I said this, I worked it out that it was the same year that I was on very strong pain medication for arthritis in my hips, including morphine patches, which I’ve now read can cause unnatural thoughts, he also told me of a few other weird things I’d said at the same time. I’ve asked my daughter if she noticed anything and she said that I was a bit odd and grumpy sometimes but she just put it down to the pain I was in.
Luckily my son believed me and I’ve found the time I was on the morphine on my Nhs app.
He told me that he never came round to see me for a full year after that, which I also can’t remember and his girlfriend absolutely hated me and apparently still does, although she hid it well as I did start looking after his son occasionally after this weirdness.
He also holds a lot of vicious jealousy about how I have apparently favoured my daughters children, I don’t favour her children but I have had a lot more to do with them over the years but “Dil’s” Mother and family always seemed to be on hand and I have always looked after him when they asked me to do.
My daughter involves me more with her family, if there is some occasion, I am always asked along but with my son, he always just tells me about going out with her family, which now I know what I’ve said, is understandable.
Now we all understand what happened, he says they both feel like a weight has lifted off them and I’m really, really glad about that.
The thing is, I can’t forgive myself…. Although I know it wasn’t intentionally my fault, I keep going over and over how much my “Dil” hated me and how my son, while still speaking to me had actually disliked me.
Obviously I’ve massively apologised to him and my “Dil”, I asked could we still be friends, which she agreed to and said they were drawing a line under it all.
My anxiety is through the roof and I’ve had to ring the doctors, I can’t sleep and I’m tearful and sad.
I don’t know what I’m asking here but any advise or words that might help, maybe…..