First proper relationship post abuse and divorce with young child and I’m finding it hard.

[Strawberry38]

I’ve been with my boyfriend a year. He is so great and amazing with my 5 year old who get on like an absolute house on fire. Only it’s making me feel sad. Sad that he isn’t the father and the man that is not worthy of it, not that he has bothered for years.

Sad that I missed out on having a child with someone who loved me, how amazing that must have felt. Sad that that his brother has 2 young children and amazing grandparents. They take the grandkids out and have a great time. My child only has my mum who helps a great deal but can’t do too much as getting older. It’s only been a year but I just can’t see them looking at my child who is just 5 the same way, she is not there family.

I’m kind of struggling with all sorts of emotions about how to join a family when you aren’t blood.

You are grieving for the losses and that is normal. Many of us have chosen poor fathers for our children so can relate to your feelings.

Let the feelings sit and over time they will disappiate. The desire to have a family unit is strong but it's important you don't rush to commit to your bf as a year is not enough time. Leave it at least 2 years. The risk is you bring your daughter into another relationship which also does work out.

Do you know why you settled with your daughters father, can you see the red flags you missed?

Firstly you are obsessing on the things you don't have rather than what you do have. We are born in to this world and our lives all take very different paths. We'd all loved to have an extended loving family, good jobs, be rich and successful.

You have a good thing going here, a lovely son, a caring partner who get's on well with your son.

Need to spend more time doing the things you enjoy and can achieve and less obsessing over what others have.