Long period of IVF and infertility. Break down of marriage due to the stress and sadness. Adopted 2 children. Some joy but incredibly hard work and challenging - police, social work, violence etc etc. Nearly broke me.
Stupid move but just for some relief from my situation l started seeing a younger guy. It was fantastic. We were friends as well as lovers and we both acknowledged that we could not be together long term. I trusted him and thought of him as a friend.
18months in and he starts being distant so l end things and actually said - it's time you found a proper girlfriend. He begs that we should still be friends but then does not keep in touch and is off hand when l contact him. I challenge him on this and he blabs that he has met someone etc etc. I piece it all together and realise that there was probably an overlap and she must have got pregnant immediately.
I didn't expect it to hurt this much. I thought l had dealt with a lot of my infertility issues but l am consumed with jealousy and regret. I feel an absolute idiot for not figuring out this would happen but l was just so desperate for some respite from the hell l was going through and l thought he would be straight with me.
Since finally admitting he had met someone and now has a baby he has been texting me every couple of weeks being all friendly and saying l mean so much to him and he wants to be friends and that he misses talking to me. In all these texts he never mentions his situation which l find odd.
I can't do it. I am hurting so much. Funnily enough not so much about him but more the ease at which they had a baby and the image of them having the perfect family life whilst l struggle with 2 extremely challenging kids on my own.
I miss the friendship, l am hurting and l don't know what to do to start moving on especially as my situation makes it very hard to date.
Maybe being friends with him will reduce the fantasy but l feel the trust and respect has gone and it's too risky emotionally.