Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Old, infertile and heartbroken

7 replies

Itssbouttime · 28/08/2021 18:36

Long period of IVF and infertility. Break down of marriage due to the stress and sadness. Adopted 2 children. Some joy but incredibly hard work and challenging - police, social work, violence etc etc. Nearly broke me.
Stupid move but just for some relief from my situation l started seeing a younger guy. It was fantastic. We were friends as well as lovers and we both acknowledged that we could not be together long term. I trusted him and thought of him as a friend.
18months in and he starts being distant so l end things and actually said - it's time you found a proper girlfriend. He begs that we should still be friends but then does not keep in touch and is off hand when l contact him. I challenge him on this and he blabs that he has met someone etc etc. I piece it all together and realise that there was probably an overlap and she must have got pregnant immediately.
I didn't expect it to hurt this much. I thought l had dealt with a lot of my infertility issues but l am consumed with jealousy and regret. I feel an absolute idiot for not figuring out this would happen but l was just so desperate for some respite from the hell l was going through and l thought he would be straight with me.
Since finally admitting he had met someone and now has a baby he has been texting me every couple of weeks being all friendly and saying l mean so much to him and he wants to be friends and that he misses talking to me. In all these texts he never mentions his situation which l find odd.
I can't do it. I am hurting so much. Funnily enough not so much about him but more the ease at which they had a baby and the image of them having the perfect family life whilst l struggle with 2 extremely challenging kids on my own.
I miss the friendship, l am hurting and l don't know what to do to start moving on especially as my situation makes it very hard to date.
Maybe being friends with him will reduce the fantasy but l feel the trust and respect has gone and it's too risky emotionally.

OP posts:
Peppaismyrolemodel · 28/08/2021 19:00

That sounds so tough. I have nothing that would make it better, but you must know that you are an absolute lifeline to those two kids, please don’t see their behaviour as a rejection, and I wanted to thank you.

Peppaismyrolemodel · 28/08/2021 19:01

Cut him off. You don’t owe him your pain.

category12 · 28/08/2021 19:04

No, trying to be friends with him would be a mistake.

I rather think he will try to turn it into a booty call. Which ultimately will do nothing for your self-worth.

thinziggy · 28/08/2021 19:06

Hi just block him. I don't say this lightly. I am adoptive mum and understand some geography of the road you have been down. The trauma and consequences of ivf and the way that you open your heart to kids whose modus operandi is rejection would mean for me that I wouldn't have the extra emotional strength needed to deal with being dangled by someone I had invested in. Please protect yourself. You are most important xx

RedMarauder · 28/08/2021 19:07

@Peppaismyrolemodel

Cut him off. You don’t owe him your pain.
This.

He wants you there as his emotional crutch and maybe more. You are worth a billion times more than that.

There is someone out there for you but it isn't this guy.

topcat2014 · 28/08/2021 19:13

Another vote for block. Our adoption placement broke down so you have enough on your plate without appeasing someone else.

LittleBiscuit09 · 28/08/2021 19:26

You need to remember the perfect family life your imagining isn't happening. He wouldn't be texting you if that was the case :)

Be kind to yourself and grieve the emotions your feeling. It sucks infertility, and jealousy is part of that unfortunately

New posts on this thread. Refresh page