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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My relationship with my dad

4 replies

Change45 · 28/08/2021 17:28

My dad was a bit crap when I was growing up. He has his own business and works all the time (or rather goes to work but spends a lot of time watching rolling news channels). My mum works for him and he won’t let her retire despite her being over 70. He doesn’t do a thing around the house. His manners are terrible - he’ll often eat snacks as she is cooking for him and then refuse to eat what she has cooked etc.
Since having kids, he’s generally been a much better grandfather than he was father. We’ve taken my parents away on holiday several times and he’s taken us twice to somewhere he wanted to take the kids. We’re here now. Problem is he is like Jekyll and Hyde - sometime the most fun grandad but then a small thing will send him into a strop for days. This time is was my daughter crying about missing us when we had gone on ahead somewhere. The kids adore him but I hate the way he treats them (and everyone else) when he is in one of his moods. Certainly no more holidays with him after this. Ever. Sorry, just wanted to vent.

OP posts:
Debetswell · 28/08/2021 17:46

He's a bully and you need to call him out on it!

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/08/2021 17:51

I’d stop seeing him. You have to protect your innocent children from arseholes like that. No good days out are worth emotional blackmail, strops or stonewalling.

Fucked up family dynamics get perpetuated down the generations if someone doesn’t admit how wrong they are and put a stop to them.

If you like books, my husband found Toxic Parents very helpful. I found it’s related title Toxic Inlaws excellent.

As parents our first and most important job is to keep our children safe - emotionally as well as physically.

You don’t want them growing up thinking it’s okay that some people behave awfully and get away with it because that’s how it’s always been. You don’t want your daughter ending up with a man like that. Step in now and make sure she realises it’s unacceptable and you’re protecting her from it.

Lollypop701 · 28/08/2021 20:58

Vent away. Then decide how much involvement you want. He isn’t going to change and having your own boundaries will be your saving grace.

Change45 · 28/08/2021 21:57

Thank you for your comments.
There is a complication in that we are relying on him to get home from this holiday. Currently making other plans as best we can over the bank holiday weekend.
I neither want to travel with him nor trust him to get us home safely seeing how irrationally he is behaving.
Once home, will definitely be firming up boundaries.

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