Alone on my birthday. Ex messing me about

[Crumpets123]

Ex broke up with me about a month ago. I was doing better, but today is my birthday and I have been crying on and off all day :-( just feel so sad when I think of what we were doing this time last year. My ex always put a lot of effort into birthdays and was always very thoughtful in that way.

Since the break up, it has been really strange. My ex started it all off, but since then it seems the roles have reverse and my ex has been acting as if they are the dumpee. She has asked to see me 3 times this week, and when she has seen me, she has been really upset, crying, telling me she loves me, trying to hug and kiss me, asking if I'm still "hers". But never actually saying anything about getting back together or actively working on things...

She has been shocked by the things I've been doing, socialising and starting new hobbies, she always makes comments on how I seem to be doing well and seem positive. I just tell her that I'm working on myself.

Today is my birthday, she is going away this weekend with her friends. She asked if she could bring me a card and I said no. I said i couldn't see her today because it will be upsetting to see her just for her to go again.

I am meeting a friend later but all I want to do is just cry and stay indoors.

I feel so sad that she has broken up with me, but seems so confused and the way she is acting makes it seem like she regrets it... but then she can't regret it that much if on my birthday she isn't here. I guess maybe I thought she would come back to me on my birthday and tell me she wanted to work on things :-(

Head fuckery, she doesn't want you doesn't want anyone else to have you either

Nice timing with your birthday too
She's shocked your moving on and hates it, your supposed to be crawling after her and begging, but your not

Tell her to get to fuck once and for all, shut her down then shut her out
Or this will effect you mentally and physically

In fairness, re your birthday, she asked if she could bring you a card and you said no (quite rightly), so I don’t understand why you’d expect her to not go away with her friends and tell you she wants to get back together on your birthday?

Sorry that you are on your own on your birthday, but you are handling this so well, moving on in life and sticking to healthy boundaries. You're already aware how manipulative she is being, wanting you to miss her when she has no intention of returning. You'll get over her soon if you carry on behaving with this healthy level of self esteem. Go out and enjoy your birthday with your friend and really enjoy it. Ring-fence an hour to feel really sorry for yourself and at the end of it, put on great music, have a long bath, dress in your most gorgeous outfit and meet your true friend for a celebration.

Happy Birthday to you

It's early days for you so be kind to yourself and I hope being with a friend distracts you later.

I think your ex is like "what...!?!?" at you getting out doing hobbies and not wailing on their doorstep pleading for their love. Keep being strong, it gets easier the more you keep doing it and the hurt also gets easier to deal with.

Cut her off. She's your ex and she's causing you hassle. Move on. Go out and have a great time!

Happy birthday

Yeah it sounds like she doesn't want to be with you but doesn't want you to move on.
Not move on with someone else exactly but move on in your life.
Your going out and doing things, this is great.
Continue to do so.
Get yourself showered, dressed up and enjoy being out with your friend.

@PallasStrand

In fairness, re your birthday, she asked if she could bring you a card and you said no (quite rightly), so I don’t understand why you’d expect her to not go away with her friends and tell you she wants to get back together on your birthday?

I guess because all week she has been saying all these things to me about loving me, missing me etc, and I have been quite guarded. I've been hugging her and I did let her kiss me a few times :-( but I haven't been telling her I miss her, or asking her if she wants to get back together, because I feel like she is the one who left, so if she wants to come back it is up to her to directly say.

My counsellor felt like maybe she was scared of rejection so didn't want to talk about getting back together because I seemed to be fine without her.

But today, for the only time in this past month I told her that I was struggling. I feel like that was the opening for her to tell me she is struggling too, wants to be together. But she didnt. I feel if she wanted to be with me, she would be here on my birthday when she knows I'm upset

You sound very passive in all this, though, OP. You say she dumped you, but you’ve gone along with her requests to see you three times this week, ‘let her’ kiss you etc, while waiting for her to make some kind of declaration while she hums and haws. Wouldn’t it be better either way to say ‘No more of this. If you want to get back together, contact me, but not unless’?

Let her go and move on, its tough at first but gets a little easier every day. You'll meet someone new, someone better and be wondering what on earth you were doing. All the best.

I understand your pain but as long as you let her stay in the picture, your wounds will never heal. I have know idea what her issues are but I do know they have nothing to do with you.

Given her behaviour, I suspect her poor behaviour hasn’t been a recent development and you’ve probably gotten into a bad habit of excusing them.

She dumped you, the dumpee doesn’t get to have expectations over what you do or don’t do. Cheeky mare!

@PallasStrand

You sound very passive in all this, though, OP. You say she dumped you, but you’ve gone along with her requests to see you three times this week, ‘let her’ kiss you etc, while waiting for her to make some kind of declaration while she hums and haws. Wouldn’t it be better either way to say ‘No more of this. If you want to get back together, contact me, but not unless’?

Yes, you are right. I had done that. I told her I didnt want any contact unless it was to arrange who was looking after our dogs. But slowly it has increased and increased. She kept contacting me telling me how horrible she felt and low she was, wanting to see the dogs and see me, and the contact has just gradually increased. I've felt sad and worried about her, I hated seeing her upset and so I've been "there" for her. Even though today, when I've been crying, she isnt there. I feel annoyed at myself. Time to put my boundaries back in place.

Tell her again then.