Long read but advice please..
Been with DP for 4 years now and we have a 4 month baby.
Im on mat leave, he works. Its taken me a while for him to understand just because i dont work, doesnt mean i do nothing all day. He'll work until late then he'll always game until early hours (i see this gaming problem so many times) so im left to do night things with baby. Shes nursed but sometimes she wont settle - when he does come bed, hes past out asleep all night through her cries.
He'll lie in on his days off even if ive been up all night with baby. Yesterday i popped out for the day due to business and left him with her. He looked after her well but the house was like a bombs gone off. I explained how i keep on top of it with her but its hard anď hope he'd agree and appriciate what i do more but no. He tells me its 'easy because i dont work'
We keep arguing over things. He's so messy, and he thinks of himself first. If ive been up with baby all night, he'll wake up and do his own breakfast etc without offering me, fair enough im a adult but he did it when i was up with baby all night and i was ill myself and he had a lovely sleep.
Last night during a argument because he got into bed and i had enough, i blew off and wrongly on myside told him he does nothing for baby unless i ask and he'd be better leaving and seeing baby on weekends as then he'd have to do things for her (he doesnt work weekends) and added all his bothered about is gaming like a teen (swore at him as i was angry) . He said thats his alone time after work and his chill out time but I've had 5 hours away from baby since they been born, why should he have fun time every night if I've been up all the night before and plus he then sleep in untill mid afternoon every weekend! He then started to say I'm using the baby against him and its up to him when he sees baby and started saying things i never said like im dictating when he can have his child
He started to bring my old relationship up (emotionally/ financially abused for 10 years- took me courage to leave but that's another story) and he said he could believe why he treated me that way. I asked why he'd say that and he said because i 'go on at him' for not cleaning up after himself.... other things he brought up like i should just get on with it and not moan (but why should i be his scivvy and do all house work when the bills we pay are 50:50, shouldn't house work be 50:50)
-He gambles and he admitted he owed loads of money ( i have to borrow him money even though my income in low)
- he admitted he hated my banter and he can't stand me being around my friends (i have one friend who helpsme with baby when he wont)
-he admitted he hates me for telling him to do things round the house.. i only ever ask him to clean up after himself, i do washing, hovering etc.
Well he knows im down and sensitive with my birth trauma as im still hurting and he basically told me to get on with it as its unfair on baby if i focus on my pain and he's sick of me putting myself first (i dont)
I agreed and thought how much of a horrible person i must be and i apologised BUT this morning something changed. Somethings not right, i may not be perfect but i never ask anyone to clean up after me, i never ask for money, i never ask for lifts to work all the time (i drive he doesnt) all I've asked for is help with his child for MONTHS and nothing's changed. As soon as i have enough and blow off at him im horrible and he uses things againt me to make me feel like hes right.
I need to leave, i cant keep looking after a baby whilst recovering and a grown man child who when i ask to do things i get shot down. How do you start on your own with a baby? AIBUR?