They were together 9 years.
Split 2 years ago.
The reasons behind it were she would go on several holidays a year with friends. Leave him home alone and had no interest in going places he wanted to go.
They had a battle against who was the bread winner and he struggled with her career and she didn't want to stop working and became too busy for him.
He ended up drinking alot and messaged a couple of women when he was lonely.
They split up and six months later her moves our.
9 months later he meets me. His ex was brought up very early on. Mentioned her in subtle ways. They had managed to find a friendship after he left. I didn't know much in those early weeks other than he told her he was seeing someone and she said she knew it would happen and she was happy for him.
As time went on he'd mention her in little ways. But was crystal clear on They could never work. Strictly friends etc. They would text to see how the other was doing most weeks.
A few months ago we had a couple of months apart. We both needed to figure out some things. I know she was saying things about me at this point to people such as I have children and surely that's not right for him (he's 40s with adult ones)
He got back in touch a few months ago and he was telling me bits and bobs she had been up to. Told me I could ask him anything and assured me it was a friendship and maybe one day I'd even meet her and I'll see for myself.
I found it difficult as I felt they were still clinging.
About 6 weeks ago he finally opened up more to me about his life. About her. I met his family and an uncle told me how his ex was very me me me and didn't put him first ever. Like he was trained to put her on a pedestal. He said they just wanted different things and the relationship massively broke down. He then told me how he struggles with grief so he needed counselling after the split and they told him he had issues around loss.
Anyway things between me and him have finally got good. We are dating. Sleeping together. Early days of a relationship. We were sat there the other night and his ex messaged him to say she didn't trust women and I was one of the women she didn't trust. He messaged her back and defended me and she argued he hadn't met me. He corrected her and said we had begun dating and met many times. She said oh. He then told me she's not malicious etc and it was a strange text. He said he would see what she came back with but if she couldn't be happy for him then she was clearly no friend of his.
We spoke for quite some time about it and I expressed some of my concerns. Told him I felt that there was alot of emotional ties still etc. I said they are the words of a woman not over the past. I said it's been 2 years and she really needs to let you go and accept you will move on.
The thing is he agreed and promised me there's absolutely nothing she can do to change us.
He seems to feel responsibility for her still and I'm struggling to figure out when this will end. I am not sure if she does want him still but he said 18 months ago they had this conversation themselves and they agreed they didn't want it. But they seem to involved still. They haven't seen eachother since December so they don't meet up. She still has the odd thing at hers of his for when he moves into a bigger house.
We are doing so well and are so close. Do you think she's likely to move on eventually? She's late 30s just for age reference.