Hi all, I am new to mumsnet and seeking some advice. I have been with my partner 11 years and have 3 daughters together, 4 months, 3yrs & 7yrs. We are both in our mid to late twenties.
My partner is a self employed tradesman and I use to be a self employed beautician working around his hours of work usually late evenings and saturdays, we are both ambitious and hard workers however after the covid lockdowns, baby #3 and the increasing work load from my partners job it made it difficult to continue my job so I have had to close my buisness for the forseeable future.
With our first daughter, my partner was fantastic - very hands on loved family time always made an effort to go out and do things as a family. I would say that after our second things started to get rocky, at the time he was in partnership with his ex boss and used the 2 weeks he had booked off to go and do a private job for his friend - I had quite a traumatic birth and was severely anemic alongside having to do nursery runs for our eldest on my own. He has since become more and more distant, working 6 days a week, finishing around 8pm most days and then on his day off he is going out for the day to a track to ride motorcross. Again, after our 3rd was born he had booked 2 weeks off had promised a lunch date etc but went back to work the following day and spent the few days he was at home helping his brother fix his car while his nephew was running around the house - this has annoyed me because I see this time as important to bond with the baby and also help me recover from birth. Now, please do not think I am being ungrateful in the fact that I know he is working hard to provide for us and that is a rarity in this day and age - I also completely understand the demand and pressure of being self employed but I feel so alone, I feel like I have given up everything that makes me independent and well, me. He doesn't help with bath times unless he is asked or simple things like cleaning up after I have cooked dinner and his idea of spending time with the kids is sitting infront of the TV holding the baby and watching the two older ones play. We have just come back off of a weekend break where he invited his parents (I had no issue with this) however I felt we barely saw each other the whole weekend as he spent most of the time with his dad. There is no effort or appreciation on his part, nothing ever happens unless I plan it and I find it difficult to get out with house with all 3 on my own so spend most of my time sat in. I have spoke to him about the situation but he just tells me work is not going to be like this forever and he is only working like this to save a deposit for a house. I feel miserable and alone and I don't know what to do. I have completely gone off sex with him and he never initiates it, never touchy feeling and will sit on opposite sides of the sofa and whenever we do talk it's always about his work. I do not feel he is cheating or up to no good but at the same time I feel he wants out.
Any mummies been in this situation and can send over some advice?