Nearly a year now

[needmorecoffee]

Since my 14 yo ran away. She's now 15. For 9 months she has kept intermittent contact with some IM'ing but wouldn't tell us why she left. 2 months ago she claimed she had been emotionally abused because I was tired and snappy, didn't take her out shopping, insisted I knew where she was going and 'lectuured' her on sex and booze. She has also accused me of not have the illness I have because it doesn't resemble the one example she knows.

I'm still in bits, thinking about her morning noon and night, I even dream about her. My heart hurts passing her bedroom. I can't eat, take sleeping tablets to get to sleep and the pain inside is overwhelming. She wont listen, only listens to her friends and her friends parents who think asking your teen where they are going is unreasonable. I've told her I want to mend this but she doesn't appear bothered and now I haven't heard from her for 2 months. She's living with my in-laws who I have to phone to check she is still alive. They never bother phoning us about anything or even ask permission for stuff you're meant to and they never ever discuss emotions with her or even have a hard talk about what she has done and why.
I feel life isn't worth living right now. If it wasn't for my other children I would leave and disappear. As it is I'm on antidepressants which don't seem to work.
I want to explain to her that any hurt was never intentional, that having dd2 kncoked me for 6 for 3 hellish years and I'm sorry. I've told her all this. Its like all that went before (I can't bear to look at photos) meant nothing. All my efforts to have a 'normal' life despite dd2 meant nothing.
DH says forget it, she's a psycho and he carries on with life but I am broekn inside.

it does sound as though your daughter is the one with the strange look on how a mother and daughter relationship is meant to be. It sounds as though maybe you should see a doctor first of all to sort out the depression, because things will make alot more sense when thats sorted out. If the anti depressants arnt working, maybe a counsellor?
If the fact that your in laws are grsnting permission for things they shouldnt is bothering you (which it would greatly to me)then maybe ask your local CAB for advice, but this ay even just widen the gap further between you and your daughter. maybe you could nip round to theirs for a brew occasionally? Offer to take her shopping? I too was a teenage girl, and can be bought with clothes!!
It does sound a truly awful situation. Does your partner know how much this is affecting you?

She lives 120 miles away and wont see me or talk to me on the phone. I just don't know what tp do or how to reach her.
Am having counselling and suggested family counselling to dd but she wont hear of it. Its all my fault, I am a bad mother, I am faking being ill to 'get attention'.
Don't know what to do

This is a truly terrible situation and one that cannot be easily mended. I think that the in-laws are being incredibly selfish and probably dmamaging (to her) in the way they deal with this problem. I think practically the only thing you can do is let your daughter know that you are here for her whenever she needs you or is ready to make contact, forcing the issue will make her pull away even more I suspect.

As for the in-laws I do think that you need to have a talk with them when your dd is not around and explain that you would like them to call at least once a week, just to let you know she is fine. Whatever their take on the situation they have an obligation to keep her safe and to let her family know that she is well.

Good luck and hugs!!