There's always something wrong with DH!

[LolaRoses]

Whether he's tired, achy, hurt his back, sore neck, headache, sore leg, etc etc. There's always something wrong!

He had a minor injury that he moaned about for two years just using it to get out of family time and out of doing anything. He refused to go to the doctors or take painkillers. When I eventually dragged him to the doctors he got referred for a routine op which then solved that particular ailment.

However, I naively thought he'd be better and more hands on afterwards, and of course was wrong. He's always got something or other. Always sloping off to bed at 7pm to watch TV in bed because he's ill/tired/has some injury. Every time he goes to the gym he seems to have some ailment or injury when he returns. If ever I'm unwell he quickly develops whatever symptom I have but of course, far, far worse than me!

I'm currently sitting watching TV after yet another evening solo parenting and sorting out the dogs whilst he's sloped off to bed.

He's fine for all hobbies, pub visits, seeing friends etc, then comes home hobbling or complaining.

It's honestly getting laughable now, like I feel I need a clipboard to tick off all his ailments each evening when he moans.

My ex was exactly the same but was always miraculously fine if social events involved his family or friends. The final straw was when I was seriously ill and he cried telling me that it was so much worse for him!

You need to buy this for him

www.teepublic.com/en-gb/t-shirt/23509098-im-tired-and-everything-hurts-workout-sarcastic-fo?feed_sku=23509098D1V

Being serious though - he's just trying to opt out of doing the grunt work right?

Tell him to cut out on his fun activities so he has time to rest and do his household duties. First work (including household duties), then play.

He's fine for all hobbies, pub visits, seeing friends etc, then comes home hobbling or complaining.

This is the important bit - he's fine when he's out doing things he wants to do but as soon as he's anywhere near home he's too lazy ill to do anything that involves having to lift a finger.

It's working for him, why would he change?

He's fine for all hobbies, pub visits, seeing friends etc

And this is the part you need to be saying to him.

@RLOU30

God I feel like this at times although I always sort my 3 year old and cleaning etc and then go to bed feeling poorly in some way or other. I suffer from depression and anxiety.

This is very different though, @RLOU30, and is what the OP's husband should be doing - taking care of his responsibilities with his family and home as priorities.

Instead: He's fine for all hobbies, pub visits, seeing friends etc, then comes home hobbling or complaining.

So, OP, time to sit him down and suggest no more hobbies, pub visits or seeing friends as he is "so unwell". Instead he can use his limited resources as above, to look after his adult responsibilities. If he finds he has anything left in the tank after he's adulted and parented, then he can go to the pub.

Did you marry my ex?

Genuine question, could he be anaemic? I felt like crap for years, constantly aching, lethargic, fatigue, headaches, every little thing wax an effort etc. Had blood tests .. I was anaemic and low in vitamin D and B12. Was so easy to fix! Yet I'd spent years feeling like crap but felt silly going to the doctors and saying 'I just feel crappy all of the time'.

Why on earth are you putting up with this bullshit? You are being an absolute doormat.

He definitely has lazy fuckeritis!
I have pain everyday. I take meds and try and manage it. I don’t use it as an excuse to avoid being a partner and parent. If he was really sick he wouldn’t be off doing all his hobbies and buggering off down the pub.

Sounds like low vit D or B. I had very low vit D and felt like I had flu. Try a good multivitamin and B and D3 every day and see how it goes. Also more omega 3s.

As others have said, it could also be depression which causes aches and pains. I'd go for blood tests if the vitamins don't work after a couple of months. I felt like this and have fibromyalgia.

Funnily enough if you offer sex etc many of them seem to have a miraculous recovery -

You should set up ailment bingo.
Print out a list of health complaints to mark off and shout BINGO once he’s mentioned them all
I shall send you a dobber

My ex was also like this. As soon as anything family oriented was happening, he fell ill. Holidays were always ruined by him taking to his holiday bed for the first few days. If I was ill, he would be fine until the moment I mention feeling poorly, at which point he would almost instantly be much more ill than me. So as the less poorly one I would be the one who would have to carry on with the children of course I rmember one tummy bug I called down to ex that I had been sick....within minutes, he was also feeling sick and went to bed. I remember sobbing 'No, just let me be ill, please, just for once...' I think he geniunely found parenting hard...but you know what? So did I, but I didnt just fuck off to bed when the going got tough!

Some people are just joy suckers.

He's learned to enjoy being a misery guts.

It's probably worth trying to kick him out of it, if youbstill like him, but you have to really mean it, and part of this is not spoon-feeding him - it's telling him that he must shape up, act like an adult, and give proper priority to making his family happy - by pulling his weight and by being pleasnet, friendly, happy and reasonably energetic.

@Outfoxedbyrabbits
sorry yes I didn’t read the original post properly until after I had pressed “post” -apologies.

@RLOU30

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean you'd said anything "wrong" in your response, I just didn't want to think you were feeling bad because we were all saying this sort of behaviour is unacceptable! Yours is very different in that a) you prioritise your responsibilities and b) you have a genuine reason for why you can't get everything done (I rather suspect the OP's husband does not, in fact, suffer from depression and anxiety, or anything else!) - and even then, you are using your limited resources to look after your child and house first and letting the less important/more self-focused things like hobbies go for now (although I do hope you are able to take a little time for yourself too ).

For what it's worth my father suffers from bipolar disorder but it was misdiagnosed as unipolar depression for years, so for some time he was quite unwell and had major manic and depressive episodes including several stints in a psychiatric hospital (until he was correctly diagnosed and put on the proper medication, since when he has been extremely well ). My mother has been on antidepressants for years to help her cope. Both of them are fantastic parents who have always put my and my sibling's needs first and are now brilliant grandparents. You sound very like them in your approach to managing your mental health and family life

I feel like this post is still very garbled but hopefully it makes more sense than my previous one

My dp is like this. I ignore it now for the most part. Seriously, at a younger age than me, he is more 'ill', Today we've had backache, stomach pain, headache, sooo tired.

So tiresome.

We don't live together. I really couldn't stand it 24/7. When It's a problem. Not sure what to fo with it tbh. Ignoring it helps me. Seriously, if I feel tired or have a headache. I just get on with things.