Please bear with me, this is likely to be a long one!
I've been married for 6 years, have two beautiful young sons, and know the stress that children can put on a marriage.
Husband has always been a bit moody, but pre kids it was easy to keep our distance until he'd sorted himself out. Since the boys have come along his moods have gotten worse, noticeably so when I've been pregnant. He'll give dark moody looks, take himself off for days at a time, be generally rude and hostile. The frequency of this has increased over the years. He does no housework at all (gradually less and less), the only child related stuff he does is night shifts with the youngest because I have PND and frequent waking gives me insomnia and I go downhill very quickly. This is his only saving grace, and the main thing keeping me with him at the moment.
The rest of our existence is pretty miserable. He came on holiday with us this week, and was so rude and miserable for the entire trip, to me, the kids and a friend I met there. For example, rather than come on a trip to an amazing aquarium, he waited at the train station alone for 3 hours because he insisted I needed help getting back to the hotel with the kids. He wouldn't engage with my friend, instead giving sarcastic answers any time she tried to engage with him.
We've had ss involved this year as he lost it and held my sons feet down in the bath when he wouldn't stop splashing and really hurt him, and shoved a door into him. I made him tell the Dr when he called for a med review (he's had meds and a counsellor for depression for a couple of years but it doesn't seem to help). We've been dismissed and to be honest it doesn't seem like anyone cares about the situation too much.
I'm in touch with RISE (dom abuse service) and due to talk to them soon for support. Upon explaining the situation they said I'd come through to the right service, which was a relief and also very sad. Everything seems so borderline I find it hard to call this real domestic abuse, but it is pretty miserable none the less. Just now I feel trapped, as my job is only good for another year, then I may be unemployed, so moving out feels like a very shaky option. We have a lovely house and I know material good aren't everything but I want a good place for my kids if that makes sense. Also I worked damn hard to pay the majority of the deposit!
I don't want my kids growing up like this, I don't want them to model his behaviour. I'm so sad and angry and feel helpless. I think I need to formate a longer term exit strategy. Mental illness can only excuse so much, the rest is his shitty attitude and behaviour.
I know I'm not the only one in this kind of situation. How do I cope in the short term? I know things won't improve. I've tried everything from my point of view, completely supportive to very angry to dissociative etc etc, nothing changes it. I think my good friends must be sick of hearing about it. If course he's being a no husband tonight after I've become very distant after the holiday. That was the absolute worst I've seen him in a while, and I'm sure in part it was fuelled by him seeing me having a good time with my friend. He's always shitty the next day or two if I go out in an evening (very rare) or away for the weekend. I don't know what I want from posting this, other that to perhaps know I'm not alone and that things can get better in the future.
Thanks for reading