Why does my partner get like this?

[Loveabitofrain]

Just wandering if anyone has any advice.

My partner has an older daughter (late teens) who suffers from anxiety.

Everytime she gets herself worked up over something, is feeling down or low, it affects him really badly, and I mean really badly.

I have kids and of course you adore them and worry for them but the degree he goes to and the state that he then gets into is concerning me.

It’s as though his moods are reflective of hers constantly. He acknowledges that this isn’t great for him and he needs to take a step back.

Any advice? Is this normal?

I have a son with anxiety too and of course I worry but not to this extent.

Do you think he feels guilt at not being the full parental role in her growing up ?
I don't say that to shame him at all , just thinking he could be feeling responsible?

It sounds as if he has an anxiety problem also

@66babe

Do you think he feels guilt at not being the full parental role in her growing up ? I don't say that to shame him at all , just thinking he could be feeling responsible?

You may have really valid point; I hadn’t thought of that

@nimbuscloud

It sounds as if he has an anxiety problem also

Without doubt. Something small blows into something massive.

Has he given thought to the fact she's a separate person and not an extension of him? Him literally feeling her pain in this way isn't helpful to her. If he has an anxiety problem he should look at getting that under control, because it's no good if the person who's supposed to be your rock falls to pieces the second you do. His DD should be able to lean on him for support.

Look to what support you have for yourself, too. It sounds like everyone has anxiety except you so you'll end up being everyone's rock which could get overwhelming. You need a support network too and extra time out/TLC regularly because of all the extra burden you're shouldering.

My partner is similar, we had a very long talk about it yesterday. He is wracked with guilt over the end of the marriage. The marriage ended over 2 years ago. He blames himself all the time that he couldn't save the marriage and has hurt his daughter. The feeling is very deep and the reaction is just like your partners. He now is openly talking about it as it has started to affect our relationship now. He is shouldering the blame for the whole break down of the relationship despite his ex wife financially abusing the marriage from day one, final straw came when he discovered the ex had taken a 25,000 loan out against the house without his knowledge to bail herself out of another major debt she got herself into. Long story but the marriage was over, his daughter suffered and my partner shoulders all the blame for it. Its very sad to see but the communication side of things are open between us and he is beginning to discuss his thoughts and feelings now which can only be a good thing. We are not there yet with some counselling for him but thats my next step for him as I cant fix him, only he can fix himself. So I know where you are coming from OP.

Thank you that helps a lot!

My partner blames himself also, made worse as his ex having no family her. He’s no angel at all but she guilt trips him at every turn which doesn’t help at all!

Thank you, you are totally right!