Feeling paranoid anxious and insecure after I ended my relationshop

[Lolabray]

The relationship ended in a row over the phone and I’d had enough.. we have not seen each other since. but five weeks later I’m finding I’m anxious paranoid that people don’t like me, I’m a bad person, unlovable etc.

I am having a very bad day today mentally struggling to come to terms with everything that has happened over the course of our relationship. This has definitely been made worse because of lockdown and also his lack of commitment or affection towards me. I feel like a mess. I’m due to have some counselling however my self esteem is rock bottom.

I didn’t always treat him nice either which I have recognised and apologised for. However I am unsure why I am feeling like this. All I can think is he drinks in the local pubs and he will be telling everyone I’m a bitch this that other. At the end of the day I have suffered for reasons such as his drinking/ not spending quality time/ him not listening and him not wanting to do things together eg shall we go for a meal/ drive it was always a no.. no ..

I am sorry to rant on. I wondered if this is normal. I am keeping distracted by painting however still not sure I will overcome these feelings.

Sorry you're having such a tough time. I just had a similar break up where we had an argument on the phone, I tried to make amends the next morning and he sent a message ending things. I think it's a particularly brutal way to find yourself single; it feels so sudden and unreal and I think that can feed anxiety.
That's great that you've got your painting to distract you. Have you ever tried yoga? I find it really helpful, as well as going out on walks.
It's so hard but you will get through this and feel better. You'll look back and it'll be such a small part of the story of your life. Take care of yourself

Did something happen in your childhood that made you feel unloveable?

OP, what is your friendship situation like? And your family? There will be people out there who care about you a lot.

It is natural to feel like this after a breakup, but now is the right time to fully take care of yourself, like you would of a wounded person. Treat yourself, get to know yourself again.

For what it's worth, your ex doesn't seem like much of a catch if he never wanted to go anywhere with you. The right person will come along.

@wheresmymojo yes I never felt wanted by my mother

Are you a perfectionist? I set myself high standards and a failure I take hard even if it for the right reasons.
Counselling and regular exercise help me a lot with my head space and supportive friends.
It gets better b it sadly takes a while. I hope your okay.