Emotional 10yo DS -normal?

[bentleydrummle]

My eldest Ds is 10 and an all round gorgeous kid. He is bright and kind and enthusiastic about everything. We have been doing a lot this summer holiday but every time every trip/visit comes to an end he gets very upset- teary on and off for a few days afterwards, and really quite distressed.

For example

We went on holiday with his cousins and when they left he cried for days

We visited his aunt and uncle and when we left he cried for days

The same aunt and uncle then came to visit and when they left he cried for days

We had a few days camping with some friends and .....same pattern.

I have tried to console him by giving lots of cuddles and saying the following

It is normal to feel sad when fun things come to an end
He is very lucky to have been on so many trips this summer and ought to feel grateful
He has lots more things to look forward to
Being at home with me, his dad and his brother can be fun too and he shouldn't take that for granted.
There are nice things like coming back from camping eg nice shower and proper bed (met with derision)

I just worry I am getting this wrong as nothing seems to help and he is still inconsolable for days. Am I making it worse?

@tegannotsovegan

I don't necessarily think it's fair for you to say "you should be grateful you get to do x, y and z" because this dismisses his feelings even if you DO say "it's okay for you to feel sad when good things end."

What I would try to say instead, and this works with my very emotional 3 year old, is "I know! It's so disappointing when x person has to leave. I understand, because it's upsetting for me too. How about we try doing -insert another activity here- whenever we/x person has to leave?"

This validates his feelings and lets him know that you also feel sad when they leave - but also lets him know that other fun things can happen even when the person isn't there.

This sums up what I was going to say.

Stop trying to change his feelings, validate them and then help him move on.

I read the article, thanks for posting that @Mumteedum - this stood out to me and made me think about why I should keep trying If you don’t listen to children, even when they are being “difficult”, the negative feelings they experience won’t go away. They’ll just stop bringing them to you. This is exactly why I don't speak to my own parents and what I don't want to happen with my kids!

Does he know how to self soothe and deal with difficult feelings?

I haven't used the term "self soothe" but we have talked about feelings and how to deal with them

Sorry if you've already told us this and I've missed it - has he always been like this or is this completely new?

It seems pretty new but it's suppose we haven't been very far or seen others for a while. He was like this last year after a different camping holiday and he is very attached to a place we go to in Scotland and I remember he was like this last time we left there, but we haven't been for a couple of years.

So what do you suggest when hes sad? Have a plan to help him. Look through photos, watch a tv programme he loves etc. Suggest these in a less emotional moment so he has techniques in place. Acknowledge his emotions but if hes literally crying a few days later I think that's extreme, and usually at that age. Theres lots of zones of regulation ideas if you google it. It's about acknowledging and controlling emotions which sounds like his issue.