Dating widower

[jclm]

My dear friend has started to date a widower and has asked me for some advice, and I'm not sure how to help her.

My friend has had a difficult life and has anxiety/depression and a chronic condition, and is a single mother to two (8 and 4). She had a previous relationship with this widower, 10 years ago, which ended very badly. My friend was actually the OW, when the widower's wife was still alive. When the wife found out he ended things with my friend and they didn't have any further contact. He was my friend's boss and my friend left her job and had to move away. She then started a relationship with another man, now her ex (and father of her children), which was abusive.

The widower's wife died in 2019 and he is now looking to date. This man has two adult children of his own who are now aged 21 and 23.

My worry is that my friend is fragile and only just managing to hold everything together. She has ongoing problems with the father of her children, which sounds as if it may turn into physical violence or stalking at some point. I worry that this widower will walk back into her life and cause chaos, and she may be ostracised by the man's adult children who will understandably hate her, due to the history of their relationship. Alongside the threats from the ex, the whole thing is getting too much for my friend. She is hoping the widower will come in and 'save' her from this ex. I worry that the ex will just cause trouble for both of them and it will get messier.

Has anyone else been in this position and can anyone advise?

Why would she go back to a man who has already dumped her once and also a man who she knows to be a cheat ?

@MrsMaizel

Why would she go back to a man who has already dumped her once and also a man who she knows to be a cheat ?

My friend loves him, and also she sees him as a knight in shining armour who will save her from her abusive ex.

You need to make her see that he didn't love her .

I don't think anything anyone says or does will make any difference to what she does. It sounds like a terribly bad idea to rekindle this relationship but all you can do is be there for her.

I dated a widower.. unbeknown to me, he had previously cheated during his marriage.
His adult kids assumed I was the OW from his past - I wasn't, but they went NC with the widower because of this.
We eventually split up, because he did try and get things started again with the OW. When I asked why he said because it was easier to have a relationship with her because they already had a past, so it was easy to fall back into. They knew each other, knew about each others lives, so he didn't have to make much effort.
Maybe the widower in the OP feels seeing this lady is an easy option for him, but for her it could undo everything she's achieved.

Is she actually asking you for advice? It sounds like she's already made up her mind, so there's nothing you can do to stop her making an error of judgement (again).

The widower's wife died in 2019 and he is now looking to date

Just because he's declared himself back in the market, doesn't mean your friend has to go running, Let's face it, if you get embroiled in tell her the errors of her ways, it will bite you in the arse, she won't thank you and she'll go off and do what she wants as an autonomous adult.

I'd stay out of it, but be ready to pick up the pieces if she needs support

This is not going to end well, she was the OW during the time this man's wife was alive.
His children will hate her and naturally his relationships with them will become strained and difficult. Add in to this hostilities from her children's father, the whole thing doomed to fail. Definitely a case of love is blind.