Dating - what's wrong with me??

[snzow]

So much just feeling down & sorry for myself.

Been using OLD for 5 years without success.....

Each guy Ive dated hasn't worked out (obviously) and with each guy I'd have a different reason, e.g. they were only interested in sex, emotionally unavailable, in a bad place with their own mental health...

This most recent guy I've been chatting to online feels like the final straw in terms of how much more rejection i can take.

He's divorced with 4 kids, I'm divorced with 1. I've showed my friends his photo and they say he's not bad looking but in terms of looks I could do better (I'm not big headed and not hung up on looks), we've got loads in common, we've never met IRL but have a lot of friends in common and I felt like we'd be a great match.

Then we match online. He didn't message me so I messaged him. I was getting one sentence replies and he generally doesn't seem that interested.

We're friends on SM and he's constantly sharing posts about how woman are only interested in men for money, not being able to trust women etc

The other night when I messaged him after we matched he was going on about how he hates OLD and is about to delete it etc etc

I know he's very negative and doesn't sound like he's in a good place but why am
I always left feeling like I'm not good enough?

I have a professional career earning good money of my own, nice house, nice car, never cheated on anyone....

And before everyone says "he's just not that into you" - i know he's not but WHY?! it's not like he's the worlds best catch 🤷🏻‍♀️

"And he thinks all these single 20 something year olds with no kids should be fighting over a divorced dad of 4 as he has his own house & car!! (That's what seems important to him)".

I doubt very much he has what he says he has. He sounds like one big Billy Bullshitter. Lets face it, if he were such the big catch, he would not be OLD! Unless, it is one the high end, pay for only membership ,professionals only one. Even then i have visions of Delboy as Derek Duvall! Only you know what site you met him on.

So what is it about this woman hating bitter man that attracts you so much that you want his approval . You've met men who have problems, a lot have on OLD, that's why they are single. That you've wasted time talking to him at all after seeing his SM posts is a wonder. Now why are you giving these men the time of day? You are better than that, and they know it, probably intimidated by your stability. Up your filters and only talk to stable people, that's where you are going wrong.

But like a PP said, he's generalised all women this way based on the experience of a few. I'm obviously kidding myself that he'd see me as "different"

Yup. I dated a man who described himself as an 'incel' - we were having sex.

What he meant was he couldn't get the sort of woman he actually wanted...

These men are to be avoided at all costs!!

But you immediately lowered the bar when you saw he had negative views on women and didn’t automatically think ‘oh one to stay away from’ but instead ‘oh maybe I can be the one to change his mind’.

Don’t you see how invalidating that is of yourself? You don’t need to be (and nor can you ever be) ‘good enough’ for bad men.

@snzow Indeed...and then they say things like 'Leonardo Di Caprio always has young hot girlfriends'.....yes, because he's Leonardo Di Caprio! Not Pete the accountant from High Wycombe or whatever.

Just leave him to it. He's misogynistic and silly and you deserve far better than this guy!

Hi @snzow perhaps would be good to look what guys do you typically choose. Perhaps you are drown to men that are emotionally available and then get rejection as those men are generally like that. Just thought about it as this guy sounds a bit like that. Maybe it would be worth to give those "warmer/gentle/secure" guys a chance?

I meant unavailable 🤦‍♀️

Your are wasting your time with this one and you deserve better.

He seems very negative about women anyway, he clearly isn't in the right mentality for dating, see it as a blessing, please avoid all men that show signs of not wanting to date and being seeing women in a negative light, be more fussy about who you match with, talk to and meet with, if they don't want to talk to you, don't take it personally, it happens to us all, we match someone we like the look of but for whatever reason it's just not enough to want to continue to talk or date, not worth the head space and he's definitely done you a massive favour by the sound of him.

A couple of years ago I dated a guy who I said from the beginning was
“thoroughly unsuitable”. My husband (24 years together) had died and I guess I was looking for fun after an extremely sad and painful couple of years. At the beginning he totally love bombed me and I felt like I had the upper hand as he seemed way more into me than I was with him. It got to the point where we slept together and then everything flipped. Suddenly I wasn’t good enough and sadly he kept me strung along for such a long time until I ended it. He was fun a lot of the time which kept me hooked, he was an escape but he never had any deep feelings for me. I could never understand why. I owned my own home mortgage free, nice car, good full time job. He was renting a room in an elderly lady’s house, worked part time and had very little going for him. I guess it was a vulnerable time for me, I absolutely would not put up with that now.